


Love is Messy and Wonderful and Selfish and Bold

by Lapal



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, Smut, Strip Tease
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:21:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 29,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24527551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lapal/pseuds/Lapal
Summary: It's been a year since Bernie had promised to wait for 'an eternity' for Serena to join her in Nairobi and she's finally accepted that it isn't going to happen. Can they find a way to still have a future together?
Relationships: Serena Campbell/Bernie Wolfe
Comments: 134
Kudos: 176





	1. Decisions

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BramwellBern](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BramwellBern/gifts).



> This is a fic I've come up with in response to a prompt from BramwellBern for Serena to do a striptease.  
> As usual it's become longer than I'd planned so i hope you'll hang around for the finale.

Decisions

Bernie was staring at her computer screen with a mixture of dread, guilt and just tiny little bit of trepidation. But mainly dread….and guilt. She had just opened an email from Serena who was asking, in her typically blunt way if Bernie was in fact, still in the land of the living.

**I am assuming you are, because the last time you ignored me like this you told me not to worry that anything awful had happened to you, as you’d put me down as the person ‘to be contacted’ in any ‘worst case scenario’.**

**Which makes me worry that there is another, more secretive reason for your lack of communication. If this is some misguided and downright cowardly way of letting me know that we’re over….**

**No! Fuck it! I don’t believe after all we’ve been through, that you’d do that….at least not like this. Do you have** _**any** _ **idea…how hard it is…when you..**

**Oh Bernie just please let me know you’re okay…that** _**we’re** _ **okay. And if we’re not then…have the guts to tell me.**

Bernie could just picture Serena sitting in her office typing this. The look on her face, a mixture of anger and despair, her hands pushing through her hair while she struggled to articulate what she wanted to say. Making the Director of Medicine at Holby City Hospital, Serena Campbell, lost for words was an ability that only Bernie seemed to have. She wasn’t sure how long she’d sat there trying to decide what to say in reply, when the door to her office swung open and the next thing she knew Alex was leaning over her shoulder reading the emotional message.

“Christ, Bern! What the hell are you playing at?”

She sat herself down on the edge of Bernie’s desk.

“Have you literally learnt nothing over the last three years?”

When Bernie didn’t reply Alex’s tone became marginally less aggressive.

“How long is it, since you’ve been in touch with her?”

Bernie mumbled something and received a sharp dig in the ribs for her trouble.

“Louder!”

“About three weeks, give or take a couple of days,” Bernie stated flatly.

Alex shook her head disbelievingly and sighed.

“So what’s the problem? You do still want a relationship with her…don’t you?”

“You know I do,” Bernie snapped, and then let her head dip as she ran a hand through her hair.

Alex moved from the desk to sit on the chair next to her.

“Therefore I repeat, what is the problem?”

“I’ve..had a big decision to make and I needed time to think..”

“Maybe the word you should have used there is over-think,” Alex interjected, good-naturedly.

Bernie glared at her and Alex raised her hands in mock surrender as Bernie continued,

“And I want to..surprise her I suppose.”

Now it was Alex’s turn to glare.

“Yes, because the last time that worked out so well, didn’t it? From what you've told me you virtually ambushed her waiving a contract in front of her face on the day her grand niece was born. For pity’s sake Bernie, why you always disregard the fact that the other person might not react in the way you anticipate. _Rarely_ happens in my opinion. If they say one word that isn’t in the script you have in your head then you’re lost. Thinking on your feet when you’re in theatre with a scalpel in your hand is one thing…in your personal life it’s a whole different ball game.”

Bernie met her eyes and felt her shoulders slump. She knew Alex was right, and before she replied to Serena she knew she was going to have to explain herself to the woman sitting less than a foot away. She took a deep breath.

“The surprise affects you too Alex. I had a meeting with the board last week… and I handed in my notice. I’m going back to the U.K., to Holby…to her.”

After a moment’s stunned silence the air in the office was filled with questions, cross words and a few tears from both of them. Even though they had moved on from the once intimate side of their relationship and both had partners of their own, they had managed – eventually – to form a very strong, true friendship that had got them both through some dark times. As the air cleared between them Alex returned to the ‘elephant in the room’.

“So, you planned on saying nothing to her until the day you turn up on her doorstep? Given that it could be at least 4 weeks before that happens, do you really think she’ll be so overjoyed that she’ll forget your radio silence?”

Bernie shrugged, but had the grace to look vaguely embarrassed.

“Bern, all I know is that when Katie goes off on one of her lecture tours, if I didn’t hear from her nearly every single day I’d be imagining all sorts of frankly ludicrous stuff. Primarily that she's having fun without me, but if it went on for even a week I'd worry that she'd met someone else but doesn’t know how to let me down gently.”

She looked at her challengingly and Bernie thought, not for the first time, how much she needed someone who wouldn’t pull any punches, who wouldn’t hesitate to tell her what a fool she was being. Someone like Alex, and more importantly someone like Serena. Alex turned the screw a bit tighter.

“You’re not stupid, so for Pete’s sake don’t act like it. If I remember rightly you’re not the only one who's interested in her. So who do you think might be willing to take her on a ‘girls night out’ to cheer her up because Serena is thinking you’ve lost interest in her….what was her name? Oh yes, Fleur.”

Bernie’s head snapped up, a look of alarm on her face.

“She wouldn’t dare! I made it quite clear last time I was there..”

“Yes, yes, we all know you have 13 ways to kill someone, but look at it from another point of view. Serena’s upset, gets a bit drunk and looks around for a shoulder to cry on.”

Alex spread her arms as if the outcome was obvious, and Bernie shook her head angrily.

“No! She wouldn’t….that would never happen!”

Alex stood up and placed a gentle hand on Bernie’s shoulder.

“You may be right. You know her best and I don’t know her at all. But...I do know what it feels like, to be waiting for you to get in touch, to give a sign that you still mean something to them. Promising to wait for her for eternity won’t stop her heart from breaking at times like this, whatever you have planned.”

Bernie closed her eyes at the painful memory of how she had left Alex adrift after the IED that had landed her at Holby, supposedly returned to the bosom of her family. Her mind then filled with the image of Serena being held in someone else’s arms, being consoled, and she flinched as if she had been slapped. Opening her eyes to look at Alex she gave her a rueful smile.

“I’ll always be sorry for how I treated you, you know that. Do you also know you’re _so_ annoying when you’re right?”

She reached up to squeeze the hand still on her shoulder.

“Thank you,” Bernie said softly, and felt a swift kiss to the top of her head as Alex headed back to ICU to check on the patient they had operated on that morning. Bernie turned her attention to the computer screen and began to type. She still wanted to keep some things secret but accepted she was going about it the wrong way, and that she had to reopen the lines of communication.

**Serena, once again I have to beg you to forgive me.**

**It’s know it’s not enough to say that I’ve been busy and had a lot on my mind, even though they are both true. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that you remember that I do get things wrong when plans I put in place to surprise you, don’t exactly work out. And yes, I know how ironic that is after all the times I’ve told you to have a Plan B (and even C) ready when going into an operating theatre. Turns out I talk a good talk, but walking the walk I’m not so good at, especially when it comes to my personal life. I never want you to think I take you for granted, so let me state right here and now that I LOVE YOU SERENA WENDY CAMPBELL. (Yes I did shout that out loud). And to prove it I’m going to tell you some news I’d thought about keeping secret from you. I’ve asked for some annual leave so that I can come back to see you as soon as possible, I’m only sorry that as of right now I can’t give you a date, but I promise it will be happening.**

**Your BMAM…always. x x**

As she lay in her bed that night Bernie ran over in her mind all the reasons she was now ready to turn her back on Nairobi and her beloved trauma unit, when only 12 months ago she had told Serena that she couldn’t stay in Holby, long term.

She had meant every word about how she would wait until Serena was ready to join her here but she’d known in her heart of hearts that it would never happen. It wasn’t simply about Jason and his family and needs, or even her position at Holby. She simply would have found this environment too overwhelming and she would always have struggled with the mixture of politics, religion and culture that would govern how their love for each other would always have to be kept low key when in public. Hiding was something Bernie was used to. Had been part of her life for longer than she wanted to remember and although she didn’t like it she could do it, if it meant she could work where she felt most needed. On the few occasions Serena had been to visit, Bernie had seen her become more and more tense as she was forced to curb her natural instincts to pull her into an embrace or even hold hands. Bernie’s army career and training had taught her how to exist in environments where not everyone was happy to see you however much you were there to help them, but Serena’s head was always governed by her heart and in many places that could put you in harms way. Once she had acknowledged that fact, she knew it would be down to her to go back to the U.K. as soon as she felt ready. And that time had come. The unit was up and running and the training regime she had put in place as soon as they had started recruiting meant that they had a very capable team in place. Alex would see that it continued long after she had gone, and she could think of at least two younger colleagues who would be more than capable of taking on her role. Recently it had become a lot more administrative and that didn’t suit her, however important it was. But most of all she missed Serena and the connection they had. The need to have someone to go home to had been growing day by day, and she’d realised that just getting by without her by her side was no longer enough. She would be sad to say goodbye to this part of her life, but the reward of holding Serena in her arms whenever she wished far outweighed any sense of loss she might have.

Bernie had still managed to keep Serena in the dark about exactly when she was returning, and she hadn’t told her it was permanent. So, as she stood on her doorstep, clutching her kitbag with the bare essentials in it she was feeling extremely nervous. She loved surprising Serena, but knew from experience that Serena didn’t always appreciate her big gestures in quite the same way. About five minutes ago as she had climbed out of a taxi that she’d asked to drop her at the end of the road, she had stood on the pavement so she could send a short email to Serena that finished with the vague promise of ‘see you soon.’ Taking a deep breath she reached out to press the doorbell.


	2. Difficult times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They both find out that love can be selfish, and that there's still a lot of question to be asked and answered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should have said last week that the title is a line from a BBC series called Normal People, although I have changed one word. I can recommend it.
> 
> Also thank you to everyone who has left kudos and such wonderful comments. It's quite buoyed me up. :)

Serena was sitting at her dining room table, her laptop open in front of her. She was in the middle of replying to Bernie’s recent message that told her a bit about her day, a little more about how much she missed her and…. not much else. Which was beginning to annoy Serena because she felt that Bernie was just repeating the same things over and over, and more to the point she _still_ couldn’t tell her when her holiday was due to start. This was, in her opinion, a ridiculous state of affairs and smacked of either a totally incompetent staff management system or that Bernie herself was hiding something. She was just getting into her stride, ready to lay the law down to Bernie or whoever was responsible, when the doorbell rang.

“Bugger,” she said out loud, wondering whether it was worth the bother of getting up to answer it when she knew she wasn’t expecting anyone. She had spoken to Jason only an hour ago and couldn’t imagine anything could have happened in so short a time for him to be at her door now. Anyway, he had a key, so he’d hardly be ringing the bell. A cold hand suddenly clutched at her heart as she thought that it could be bad news, and her mind made the awful leap that something may have happened to Bernie. As she slowly walked towards the door she felt her stomach start to cramp with nerves, and her breathing became shallow. When the doorbell rang again she jumped, and quickened her pace now anxious to see who was there. In her haste she yanked it open so hard it banged against the coat hooks on the wall and her mouth formed a perfect O at the vision of one Berenice Wolfe standing there with a shy grin.

“You know, you should always check before you open your door of an evening even if it is still light, being a woman on her own,” Bernie said huskily, a little overcome with the sight of the woman in front of her.

When Serena didn’t move or reply, Bernie dropped her kitbag on the step and waved her hands in a sort of ‘ta dah’ movement.

“Surprise!” she said, but with apprehension showing in her face.

Still not speaking Serena opened the door just wide enough to allow Bernie to get past and closed it with a thump behind her. For some reason her brain seemed unable to accept that the person she had been writing an email to, the person whom a second ago she had considered might be possibly fatally injured somewhere over 6900 kilometres away, was actually standing in her hallway. Bernie was becoming increasingly concerned, of all the possible reactions she had pictured in her mind to her turning up out of the blue, Serena being struck dumb was not one of them.

Then suddenly Serena was moving and Bernie only had time to hear the words “You stupid, utterly ..” hang in the air, before she had all the air knocked out of her as she was slammed against the wall. In the same moment Serena’s lips met hers in a fierce, angry kiss. When she pulled away there was still a look of exasperation on her face, but the fury Bernie had seen in her eyes had disappeared, and Bernie, panting slightly, risked an apologetic smile. Serena very deliberately reached for Bernie’s hand and started to walk in the direction of the lounge, pulling Bernie behind her. She was met with resistance and Serena turned on her heels looking at her quizzically. There was also the merest hint of displeasure showing in her eyes, that Bernie should consider not obeying her unspoken order.

“Sorry,” Bernie said with an apologetic smile. “But I could really do with going to the bathroom.” When she wasn't immediately shot down in flames she risked adding to her request. “I know I've surprised you but I would really like to change out of these clothes....and maybe take a quick shower while I'm up there? I’m fresh off the plane, but 'fresh' is hardly how you could describe me right now.”

Serena rolled her eyes but gave her a very suggestive look.

“Well I'm hardly likely to refuse you the opportunity to remove your clothes,” she said with a leer. “I could come and help if you like?”

Bernie gave a short sharp laugh.

“Honestly, if I wasn’t so tired and hungry I’d take you up on that offer without a second thought, but I need to unwind a little first before… well, anything else, if that’s okay?”

Serena leaned forward and kissed her cheek.

“Spoilsport,” she muttered, giving a resigned shrug. “Go on with you then, I’ll order us some food whilst you change into something a little more comfortable.”

When Bernie came back downstairs she looked ready for bed, wearing sleep shorts and a loose fitting t-shirt. She wandered into the kitchen where Serena was just making a pot of tea and she slid her arms around Serena’s waist and nuzzled into her neck.

“It’s so good to be back,” she murmured softly.

Serena turned in her arms and hugged her in return.

“It’s good to have you back,” she said huskily, trying not to let any tears fall. “I’ve missed you.”

There was silence for a few minutes as they kissed gently but with a growing intimacy, reacquainting themselves with each other, as they did every time they had been apart. It was only when the doorbell rang and the message tone sounded on Serena’s phone to announce the arrival of the pizza, that they reluctantly let go of each other.

They managed to hold hands as they ate, gazing at each other and smiling. Serena stomach was still in knots and she could only manage to eat a couple of slices (after carefully removing pineapple pieces), and Bernie’s eyes twinkled with amusement as she saw the distasteful look on Serena’s face as she popped them into her own mouth. She loved that Serena had pandered to her questionable taste in pizza topping without even asking, and insisted on clearing the box and their mugs away, returning to the lounge a few minutes later with two glasses of red wine. They slumped against the back of the sofa, hands automatically entwining and Bernie sighed with contentment.

“Better?”

“Much better,” replied Bernie. “Now where were we when the doorbell rang?”

They spent a good few minutes kissing, and Serena had to curb her desire to push her hands under Bernie’s top. She understood that Bernie was tired and needed to move slowly as she reorientated herself to a different place and pace of life. She sighed inwardly as they snuggled together. This continual meeting and parting was taking its toll on both of them. At least this time the urgency to _be_ with her was not as great as when they only had two or three days to share. Serena felt Bernie’s breathing start to slow as she succumbed to the contentment of being back in the arms of her lover, so she gave her a little nudge. Bernie roused and rubbed at her eyes as she tried to focus.

“Sorry my love, did you want something?”

Serena chuckled, and played with the soft waves of her hair.

“I was about to say that if you’re as tired as you seem, why don’t you go to bed? You know your back won’t be happy if you fall asleep here.”

Bernie sat up a little straighter and shook her head.

“No, it’s not even 8 o’clock, and if I go to up to bed now I’ll be awake again by 4.00am.” She turned to look as Serena. “And I’m damn sure you wouldn’t appreciate it if I woke you then.”

“It might depend on what you had in mind,” Serena replied, and for a moment they stared deeply into each other’s eyes before Bernie pushed herself even more upright and cleared her throat noisily.

“Come on, ask me some questions, or regale me with tales of AAU or the beautiful Guinevere to keep me in the land of the living for just a little longer.”

So Serena talked for a while about inconsequential things and then tried asking a question of her own.

“How do your colleagues cope whilst you’re away? I can’t help wondering if they resent me wanting you back here as much as I do because I’m still too much of a coward to join you in Nairobi.”

As soon as the words were out of her mouth Serena regretted them. They’d never really discussed that Serena had implied it would only be 6 months to a year before she would be ready to head off into the unknown world (for her) of the African continent , and that they had already passed that timescale. It was a constant source of worry that Bernie would eventually have had enough of their long term relationship, no matter how much they loved each other.

Bernie wondered what to say. She knew should tell her straight out that she was back home for good, but as usual she held back, always over-thinking and beginning to wonder if she should have been more honest from the start.

“Why would they resent you? I am entitled to holidays you know, and if I wasn’t here I’d still be absent from the hospital. Anyway I’m not indispensable, they’ll cope fine. There are some excellent doctors and nurses that are _nearly_ as good as me.”

She received a shove from Serena for that, and she continued with a smile in her voice.

“The training programme I've set up is in Alex’s safe hands, and she’s definitely as good as me in delivering that. Some of the nurses are more in awe of her than they are of me”

At those words Serena’s heart clenched and the knots in her stomach returned.

“Alex?” she said. “As in Alex Dawson?”

She just stopped herself from adding ‘ _your former lover,’_ but the thought was there in her head nonetheless.

Bernie looked at her, astonished.

“Yes. I told you about three or four months ago about how she'd turned up out of the blue. We’d been down an anaesthetist and I’d been doing some work at another hospital just outside Nairobi to help them review how they managed their ED department, when the board had interviewed and appointed her. She said it was because she’d told them that we worked together in the RAMC that swung the odds in her favour. Shook me a little bit at first if I’m honest, but at the end of the day we sat down and talked through a few things, smoothed some things over and she’s been there ever since.”

Conscious that Serena hadn’t said anything, she looked at her and was concerned to see a frown on her face, her lips set in a thin, pinched line. She tried to backtrack a little.

“Are you saying you didn't know? I'm sure I told you. But if I didn't, then I’m sorry. It's really nothing to be bothered about.”

She reached out to take Serena’s hand but she pulled away.

“Let me see...it’s a bit of a coincidence, don’t you think, that not that long after Alex turns up at your workplace your communication skills to me started to become virtually non-existent. Having too much fun ‘catching up’ with her to remember to keep in touch perhaps.”

Serena wasn’t exactly angry, just rather suddenly and overwhelmingly, sad. But she hadn’t been able to keep the bitterness out of her voice. She felt as if she might cry and she didn’t want to do that right now, worried it would make her seem weak, so she stood up quickly.

“Excuse me,” she stated flatly, “I’m going to bed.”

She almost ran from the room, leaving Bernie with her mouth open and a bewildered look on her face.

‘ _Blimey,’_ she thought, ‘ _that escalated fast.’_

Bernie’s first instinct was to rush after her, but she knew Serena well enough to know that she would want a little time to cool down and collect her thoughts. Instead she got to her feet and headed for the back garden, wishing that her luggage wasn’t upstairs so that she could have grabbed a cigarette to help her calm down after the outburst. She shivered a little as the cooler air hit her skin and took a brisk walk around the garden, noting with a small smile a few of the changes she had suggested to Serena after her last visit had actually been implemented. She wandered over to the sheltered patio and sat down on a chair, gazing up at the darkening sky. She gave a deep sigh as the realisation hit her that Serena could be right in her belief that she hadn’t mentioned Alex, and it bothered her as to why that might be. Knowing how she always tried to avoid confrontation perhaps her subconscious had known that it might cause problems. After a short while she went back inside and headed for the stairs, wanting to try and put this right sooner rather than later. She couldn’t bear to think that Serena was hurting, and that here was yet another thing she’d managed to fuck up. They had already spent too much of their lives apart, and she didn’t want to waste another minute of it. She stood outside Serena’s bedroom, and knocked on the door before slowly pushing it open.

“Is it okay if I come in?”

There was a small snuffling sound followed by a small sigh, but when nothing else was said, Bernie took it as a positive, and walked over to the bed where Serena was huddled, and waited for another beat before sitting gently on the side.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “I hope you believe me when I say I didn’t consciously keep it a secret. Subconsciously however, I suppose I may have…. probably because I _was_ worried how you’d react.”

Serena gave another sigh as she pushed herself up into a sitting position, leaning against the headboard.

“I’m sorry too. I’ve spoilt your first evening back by feeling jealous of Alex being back in your life. In some ways I think it’ll never be any different, because she was the….the first woman you fell in love with. Similar to the way it happened for me in fact. But you have shared.....such an intense experience with her from your army days which I can’t compete with. And I'm well aware how childish that sounds but it makes me feel insecure.”

She raised her head to look at Bernie and a little more strength came into her voice.

“But you should have told me Bernie, because finding out _this_ way doesn’t help that feeling.”

Bernie took Serena’s hand in hers and nodded.

“I know. It comes from some idiotic notion that I need to protect people when they don't really need me to do that. I can see that you’re anxious that I hid it because something else happened between us, but I promise you, nothing did. Whenever I went back to my flat at the end of the day, no matter how tiring or traumatic it had been, I was always alone. Sometimes a little worse for wear, but never with anyone. All I could think about at those times was you, and the longing to be with you hurt so much that I couldn’t even bear to write an email or phone you because it just made the absence of you from my life even worse.”

Serena let her body sag against Bernie and she rested her head on her shoulder.

“How do two eminent surgeons and well respected mature women, get to be so stupid?”

Bernie relaxed slightly and she turned her head to press a kiss into Serena’s hair.

“Oh, perhaps it could be..as a very clever and attractive woman once told me…that _love makes us do crazy things, things we’d scarce imagine.”_

Bernie yelped as Serena jabbed a finger into her side.

“You’re the only person I know who can be both infuriating and incredibly endearing at the same time. So, are you ready to come to bed now?”

Smiling, Bernie nodded and padded around to the other side to slide under the duvet. They sat in silence for a few moments, just holding hands, and then Serena asked the question she’d wanted to ask ever since opening the door to her earlier.

“Can you tell me how long we have together this time? I’ll need to email Hanssen to put in a request for some annual leave with immediate effect.” She couldn’t resist one last dig. “If only I’d known you were coming I could have had it all in place, instead of having to beg Henrik for special dispensation.”

Bernie wriggled a bit, and tried to keep her face blank.

“Well it would be nice if you could get a few days off next week…we do have a lot of catching up to do,” and here Bernie gave Serena a wink, “but if you think it might cause problems you could postpone it. As I said I’ve got a bit longer than normal.”

Serena raised an eyebrow and she felt her heart rate begin to quicken.

“Come on Bernie, don’t tease, how long is longer?”

She turned so that she could see Bernie properly and was bemused to see her looking bashful, or was it hopeful, her eyes peering out from under that ridiculous fringe.

“As long as you’d like,” she said softly. “I’ve resigned, handed in my notice three weeks ago, which is why I couldn’t give you an exact arrival time. HR was busy trying to calculate how much holiday pay they owed me if I worked my full notice..which I didn’t.”

Serena’s eyes widened and she stared at Bernie with so many questions running through her head she couldn’t think what to say. The only sound that escaped her lips was a small squeak, and Bernie waited patiently for what seemed like an age for her to say something…anything. When nothing was forthcoming she started to feel vaguely alarmed.

“Serena?” she said quietly, slowly rubbing a thumb over the back of her hand. The action roused Serena from her stupor and she took a couple of deep breaths before swinging her legs out of the bed. Standing up she asked Bernie if she had a cigarette to spare. Bernie blinked in surprise and pointed to her kitbag, and watched as Serena picked out the pack and lighter before heading to the door. As she opened it she turned briefly to try and offer some sort of explanation.

“Don’t worry, I’m not angry or upset…it’s just a lot to take in and I’ve got so many questions, but I need to think it through before I ask them, and I’m going to need a bit more space to do that. If you want to you can come too as long as you don’t interrupt me.”

And then she was gone and Bernie slumped back against the pillows. How many times could she get things so wrong in one evening. She had somehow always thought that her news would end up with Serena being extremely happy and getting naked, before showing her exactly how happy she was. She did take some solace in that what had just happened wasn’t her worst fear where Serena would say it was very kind of her but she really didn’t want that sort of commitment. Getting up to look out of the window she could see Serena walking backwards and forwards along the patio, and with a small amount of trepidation she followed her downstairs and stood silently by the open doors to the garden waiting for her to say something. As she passed Bernie for the second time, Serena paused.

“You do mean fully resigned..not some sort of sabbatical? And would you be able to go back if you wanted to?”

Bernie was startled.

“Definitely not a leave of absence…I handed my notice in so that’s it..finito. But why would you even think that…”

“Shush,” said Serena as she resumed pacing.

Every few turns Serena would stop to ask another question or make an observation.

“Are you planning on looking for a similar post over here, as in a trauma unit? And if yes, where were you thinking of? There aren’t many places close to Holby that have that sort of set-up.”

“Have you thought about retirement or part time work? I assume your pension from the army and the NHS would be sufficient to keep you above the poverty line.”

“If you were offered your dream job at the other end of the country would you consider it, even if we only saw each other at the weekend?”

“If you found out you couldn’t bear to stay in Holby in the long term, would you want or expect me to come with you?”

Bernie was feeling totally lost. She floundered over most of the questions because she hadn’t really thought about it in those terms exactly, and she certainly had no way of predicting what job offers might be available in the near future. After the last question Serena had not moved and so Bernie stepped in front of her to grasp her by the shoulders.

“I know I surprised you (again) with my news, and I understand you have lots of 'what if's' going on in your head at the moment. In truth, the only thing I knew for certain was that I just wanted to be with you..wherever that is. Past that I wasn’t really thinking. I hoped that whatever followed would be something we managed to work out _together_. I know I don’t want to spend any more of my life alone, always missing you.”

Serena’s eyes filled with tears and she gently stroked her hand along Bernie’s arm.

“I’m sorry,” she said, leaning against her as all the adrenaline that had been coursing through her body abruptly left her. “I never intended to turn it into the Spanish Inquisition, my brain just went into overdrive.”

Bernie chuckled.

“Some of my commanding officers from the Army would have signed you up on the spot if they’d witnessed that interrogation display.”

She slid her arms around Serena, pulling her close as she pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“Can we go back to bed now? We can carry on the discussion tomorrow but it’s been a really, really long day.”

When they were both in bed again Serena looked at Bernie fondly.

“You’ve made me very happy you know.” She kissed her lightly. “I can hardly wait to prove it to you, but for tonight I'll settle for knowing that we can wake up together in the same bed.” She kissed her again and looked fondly at Bernie who was having trouble keeping her eyes open. “I love you my darling.”

Bernie kissed her back.

“I love you too,” she murmured, as she drifted off to sleep.


	3. The Next Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie and Serena get reacquainted with each other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Although this whole fic is gifted to BramwellBern this particular chapter is dedicated to Bat_and_Breakfast on the occasion of her birthday. Hope you had a great day. Smut alert...

Chapter 3 : The Next Day

When Serena awoke, she felt a warm hand resting on her hip and the smile that spread across her face was so big you could almost hear it. Slowly coming to full consciousness she was already thinking that the first thing she would do this morning (as soon as she felt she could move without waking Bernie) would be to email Hanssen to request a very short notice but essential, week’s annual leave. They might both be hoping that this was the start of a life where they were together more than they were apart, but she was certain that she didn’t want to be heading to work on Monday leaving this gorgeous woman still in bed. She knew only too well how people you love can be taken from you quite unexpectedly and devastatingly, so she was determined that she wouldn’t waste a minute in showing Bernie just how much she meant to her. She waited for a few minutes for any movement that might indicate that Bernie was also awake but when there was no change in her deep steady breathing, she very slowly started to ease her legs toward the edge of the bed. In a flash the hand that had been merely resting on her hip tightened, and fingertips pressed into her flesh.

“Where do you thing you’re going?” came a gruff voice behind her. “Not sneaking off to the garden again are you?”

Serena rolled onto her back in time to see one of Bernie’s eyes crack open just a little way, and she smiled indulgently at her.

“Well, if it’s all the same to you, I need the bathroom. There are many things about the menopause I dislike and needing to pee more often is pretty near the top of the list.”

Bernie now had both eyes open and she relinquished her hold on Serena and stretched.

“In that case, you have my permission to leave the bed, but perhaps you need to increase the number of times you do your kegel exercises each day.”

Bernie uttered a small “ow” as Serena pinched her arm at the inference she needed her consent to get up, or that she required advice on keeping her pelvic floor muscles strong. Bernie gave her a pathetic look and offered to make them both a drink by way of an apology.

“Hmm, that would be nice. Make mine tea though, I don’t think my body needs a caffeine overload after the shocks of last night.”

Bernie watched Serena walk over to the en-suite and her smile easily equalled the one that had been on Serena’s face earlier. When the door closed behind her Bernie got out of bed and went downstairs. As she waited for the kettle to boil she looked longingly at the cigarette packet and lighter that Serena had left on the kitchen table last night. Taking a deep breath she resisted the temptation to open the back door and have a couple of puffs, knowing that Serena really didn’t like the taste or smell of them on her, in spite of having taken a few drags of one herself yesterday evening. She focused instead on how she was hoping to satisfy a much stronger craving when she went back upstairs, one that involved Serena’s voluptuous body.

When she returned to the bedroom Serena was sitting up in bed with her phone in her hand and the duvet pulled up under her armpits. Bernie put their drinks down on the bedside table and then indicated, with a toss of her head, that she was going to pop into the bathroom herself. It hadn’t escaped her notice that Serena’s bare shoulders seemed to indicate she was not wearing much, if anything under that cover, so Bernie thought it prudent to freshen up herself in anticipation of a pleasant morning ahead. She made a decision not to remove her own clothing however, and simply slid back under the duvet and waited for Serena to pass her mug over, smiling her thanks. She nodded her head at the phone now lying on the bedside table.

“Were you sending or reading a message when I came in?” Bernie asked, and then pulled a face of mock horror. “Please don’t tell me Jason needs you today…as much as I’m looking forward to seeing them all again I was rather hoping we could have the day to ourselves.”

Serena shook her head.

“No, I was sending a quick email to Hanssen telling him I needed next week off… and why. I hope you didn’t mind my telling him?”

Grinning, Bernie shook her head.

“Of course not…any response yet?”

“A very short one, saying a reluctant yes to my annual leave, unless there’s a major catastrophe, and to pass on his regards to yourself.”

Bernie drained the last of her tea and passed the mug back to Serena. She ran her finger along the edge of the duvet where it met Serena’s bare skin before pressing a kiss to her shoulder.

“I’m hoping that you might want to welcome me home properly this morning,” she said as her hand dipped under the duvet and curled around Serena’s naked breast. The throaty growl that escaped Serena’s lips thrilled her to the core.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” said Bernie as she momentarily relinquished her hold on Serena’s flesh to quickly shuck off her own t-shirt and shorts. She moved her hands to Serena’s shoulders to push her down onto the pillow brushing her lips against Serena’s cheek as she did, and then pulled back for a moment so she could really look at her. The tenderness and desire she saw in Serena’s eyes reflected her own, and slowly, inexorably their lips met with a series of soft delicate kisses that lasted long enough for their bodies to begin to respond, yet not with a level of passion that would wipe out the building tension. It started off slow and comforting, neither of them feeling the need to speak as they began to reacquaint themselves with each other’s bodies. This gradual increase in their hunger for one another had almost become a ritual that happened whenever they had been apart for so long. That they knew how to satisfy each others sexual needs was never in doubt, but it was a way of reconnecting, a gentle courtship to confirm that they still both wanted this.

Their kisses intensified, lips parting to allow tongues to taste and explore, bodies rubbing against each other making their nerve endings tingle at every point of contact. Serena often thought that she enjoyed the anticipation of what was to come almost as much as the orgasm that would undoubtedly follow. She was a woman, who in nearly every other aspect of her life wanted to be the one in control, yet she craved the sensation of opening herself to Bernie in a way she had never considered with any of her former partners. She loved the feeling of freedom that sex gave her, and after a long absence she always wanted Bernie to take control, to dictate when she would orgasm, to tease her almost to a point where it became unbearable. Bernie in turn was always moved at how Serena saw the need she had to worship her, to show with actions rather than words just how much she loved her, how she wanted to bend her to her will without breaking her.

It wasn’t always like this, passion would often be ignited from just a look or whispered words that were only an inch away from being overheard, and then it was mostly Serena who pushed Bernie to her limits, smiling wickedly as she did, supremely confident.

But when they had been apart, it was nearly always soft and loving, a deliberate measured approach that married both mind and body. Bernie’s hands were constantly roaming up and down Serena’s body as she recalled the places that would make her gasp or cry out. She caressed here, pinched and pulled there, sometimes tweaking so hard that Serena thought she might forget how to breathe. All of her nerve endings now seemed to be focused entirely between her legs, her clit pulsing to the rhythm of her heart as nimble fingers teased and soothed. Bernie’s mouth deliberately didn’t stray any lower than the base of Serena’s neck, where she gently sucked and nibbled before returning to hungrily reclaim her lips, as her hands did their devilish work below. Serena knew that this was merely another form of torment, a promise that she intended to travel the same route again another time, this time using only her tongue.

As this thought flooded Serena’s brain her resolve to cede control to Bernie nearly broke, and despite having given herself an unspoken rule that she would lie there obediently, her hands clutching only at the sheet below her, promising herself not to beg, it became increasingly impossible to deny what her body was now screaming for. Serena found she was unable to stop her arms from reaching out for Bernie, her breathy gasps of _“yes,YES”_ echoing around the room as Bernie responded to her pleas and Serena sighed with relief as she felt herself filled. Her moans grew higher as Bernie’s fingers coaxed her on for what seemed like an eternity and yet not long enough, until panting wildly her back arched upwards as the crashing waves of her orgasm shook her whole body. Bernie watched her with a combination of adoration and gratitude in her eyes that she only ever bestowed on Serena, and slowly withdrawing her hand she rolled onto her front, still looking at her, biting her lip as she waited expectantly for what might happen next.

As Serena slowly came back to herself, small tremors still making her twitch, Bernie started to feel a heat flooding her body so she quickly rolled onto her back to try and hide her need from Serena. Her breathing steadied and Serena opened her eyes to search out the face of her lover. She was delighted to see that Bernie was the one now having trouble getting enough oxygen, her chest rising and falling erratically. She rolled onto her side and as she stared she saw the pink flush on Bernie’s cheeks change to a deep red under her scrutiny and she moved a little closer.

“Anyone can see that you’re thinking about what might be going to happen next,” said Serena, in a voice so low and sultry that Bernie’s legs stiffened and her eyes shuttered closed as she fought to stay in control.

“Look at me.” Serena’s tone was quiet but commanding.

Obediently Bernie opened her eyes and turned her head towards Serena and the predatory smile she saw made her breathing hitch, and her hands clenched into fists as Serena trailed a single finger up from her wrist to her shoulder. It was well known at Holby how they worked around each other in theatre, ‘like watching a ballet’ Donna had once described it, but it was here in a shared bed that their dance reached its crescendo, a dance that was both instinctive and born of love.

Pushing herself up Serena hovered over Bernie for a moment before ghosting her lips from her neck to her ear.

“You always try to be a good little soldier, don’t you?” murmured Serena teasingly. “And you are so, so beautiful.”

Bernie’s eyes closed again as Serena kissed her way back to her mouth claiming it fiercely and with passion, pushing her tongue against lips that she was already parting, thrilling to the sensation of being invaded. Serena was ecstatic when this happened, knowing that Bernie was surrendering herself unconditionally, desperate to achieve the release that she herself had experienced only minutes ago. Her hand began to move over Bernie’s body, their lips still locked together in a bruising kiss, but when those skilled fingers dragged across a prominent nipple there was a loud gasp from Bernie that pulled their mouths apart. Bernie’s breasts were so sensitive that Serena wondered (not for the first time) if she could bring her to climax solely from playing with them, using her mouth and fingers to full effect. Now that it seemed they had endless hours of access to each other’s bodies, Serena thought that it might be a rather delightful avenue to explore.

‘ _But not today…not now.’_

Serena shook her head and caught Bernie’s lower lip between her own, sucking and then nibbling with her teeth, pulling back for a moment before soothing with her tongue and then gently resuming those fleeting kisses that had Bernie trying to chase. Her hand smoothed down over Bernie’s still toned stomach pausing momentarily to stroke along the caesarean scar that marked Charlotte’s entrance to the world. Then her fingers moved further down to tangle with wiry curls and she couldn’t resist tugging them gently. She was rewarded by Bernie’s legs relaxing and parting to coax her further in, and as her hand slid easily between them, the teasing dialogue that Bernie had come to expect and love, began again.

“You can’t hide behind your strong British reserve now, can you? Not when my fingers can find out for themselves how wet and ready you are. If I were to take my hand away right now, would you beg, do you think?”

Bernie’s thighs clamped around Serena’s wrist and she forced her eyes open to be greeted by a smirk on Serena’s face.

“Don’t even think about it,” she hissed from behind clenched teeth.

The throaty laugh that followed reverberated through Bernie and as Serena’s fingers slid easily through Bernie’s outer lips she whimpered.

“Fleur told me about the 13 ways my big macho girlfriend threatened to kill her,” Serena goaded, her fingers now deep inside, twisting and turning relentlessly. “And yet here I am controlling you with just two fingers and a thumb. What do you think of that, eh major?”

She roughly rubbed across Bernie’s clit as she spoke and watched with satisfaction as Bernie’s hips twisted as she fought to stay in contact with Serena’s hand, unable to stop a deep groan from escaping her lips.

“Good god woman,” she moaned, her whole body trembling, “don’t you ever shut up?”

“Oh I think you know there are only two ways to shut me up, and you’ve already used one of them. So you need to think hard about what the other one might be.”

Before she could say anymore Bernie flung her arms around Serena’s neck and pulled her down towards her, crashing their lips together. With every thrust of her fingers Serena could now experience each of Bernie’s shuddering breaths as if it were her own. As Bernie teetered on the brink Serena pulled her mouth away to whisper, “darling, let go now.”

With a small sob Bernie climaxed, her whole body trembling as she came, and Serena gathered her into her arms wanting to share every moment of her ecstasy. Even though Bernie’s body was slick with sweat Serena pulled the duvet up to their waists and rested her head against the silver scar between her breasts.

“Welcome home my love,” she murmured softly, and Bernie wrapped her arms around Serena loving the feel of her soft warm skin, happy to be holding the woman of her dreams once again.

They lay there quietly for a while recovering from their physical exertions, and the emotional storm that they had weathered in the last twenty four hours.

Then, as Serena could have predicted, Bernie began to move a little, trying to find a comfortable place to rest her legs. With her back towards Bernie, Serena allowed a smile to spread over her face and she turned around to look at her.

“It’s fine to get up if you want to, I know you’re thinking about food and a possible cigarette right now… and we both need to shower.”

She rubbed Bernie’s arm.

“Think we probably need to change the bed too.”

Bernie rubbed her nose against Serena’s, a very intimate gesture for them that had started on the night Serena had drunkenly explained she needed to take a sabbatical in the hope of finding some firm ground, after the death of her daughter.

“I love you,” she said, “and I also hate that you know me so well.”

She swung her legs out of bed and walked towards the en-suite, pausing at the door.

“Interested in sharing the shower?”

Serena raised an eyebrow.

“I seem to remember my legs giving way the last time you offered to lather those parts you thought I might have trouble reaching, and I’m not sure I would survive so soon after….” she paused, “I need to build up my stamina slowly.”

Bernie winked and stuck out her tongue.

“Lightweight.” She disappeared quickly from sight as Serena chucked a pillow at her, even though it was never going to make contact. She lay back down listening to Bernie’s distinctive laugh echo around the bathroom and thought for the millionth time what a wonderful sound it was, and how much she had missed it.

When Serena came down to the kitchen there was fresh coffee waiting for her and Bernie was just finishing cooking some scrambled eggs to pile onto the buttered toast that was ready and waiting. She slid her arms around Bernie’s waist and kissed the side of her neck.

“I knew there were other reasons I was missing you,” she said lightly. “Not just the sex.”

She moved away and sat down at the small table and Bernie followed with the saucepan ready to heap the contents onto the waiting plates. Serena started to tuck in immediately as Bernie just stood there licking the wooden spoon. She waited until Serena looked up at her and then she gave her a very doleful look that reminded Serena of a little puppy.

“But it is _mainly_ for the sex, isn’t it?” she said plaintively, and Serena roared with laughter.

“Like you have to ask,” Serena said, and then she reached across the table to link hands for a moment. “That…and so much more.”

Bernie tossed the spoon in the direction of the sink and they proceeded to demolish the food in front of them, their appetites increased by their morning activities. After clearing away when they had finished Bernie wandered out into the garden taking a cigarette with her, and after washing up Serena joined her, linking arms as they walked around.

“I noticed yesterday you’d put one or two of my suggestions in place,” Bernie observed.

“Who would have known that Major Wolfe, trauma surgeon extraordinaire, was also a closet gardener,” joked Serena. “Perhaps now you’re back we could look at a couple of the larger projects you came up with. Like the water feature and pond.”

Bernie nodded, suddenly feeling weepy at the prospect, and when they reached the bench she sat down and pulled Serena down next to her, discarding the cigarette that she had barely taken two or three puffs of, catching Serena’s eye as she did.

“I know, I know I should give it up. Once I start to feel more settled I will try…again.”

Serena shrugged.

“I don’t believe I said a thing,” she said. “But since you brought it up I can’t deny that it would be one less thing for me to worry about.”

She stood up, her hand resting on Bernie’s shoulder.

“I’m just going to see if Henrik has had any more thoughts about your return. I won’t be long.”

When she returned about fifteen minutes later Bernie was still sitting there and made no sign she was even aware that Serena was back. After another couple of minutes with no response, Serena put her hand out and gently patted her knee.

“Earth to Bernie,” she said. “What’s going on in there?” She tapped gently on Bernie’s forehead and

Bernie brought her back into focus, and her face relaxed slightly.

“Sorry, I got caught up in all the things I need to do over the next few days. I think my brain seized for a moment.”

“Like what exactly? Perhaps I can help?”

“Well I must let Cameron and Charlotte know I’m back, and Jason. I will need to put feelers out soon for a job, which is something I should have done before I left Nairobi, but all I could focus on was getting back to you.”

She took a deep breath. “ And Serena…I don’t want to assume that I’m simply going to stay here for the foreseeable future. You need time to adjust to everything, so trawling estate agents websites for rental properties is right up there…except I can’t do much on that front until I can prove I have a monthly income… which brings me full circle. I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed and I can’t decide…”

Serena pressed a finger to Bernie’s lips to try and stem the torrent of words that were pouring out.

‘ _Good lord,’_ she thought, ‘ _I think I prefer it when she struggles for words!’_

“Slow down, let’s do this logically. First and foremost of course you need to tell your children that you’re back. In fact why don’t you ask them here to lunch tomorrow? It’s a bit short notice but they might be free, and if you’re happy about it _I_ could tell Jason and co about your unexpected return and invite them as well, but only if you think you could stand being at the beck and call of a very demanding toddler.”

She reached for one of Bernie’s hands to hold between her own.

“You could also put some time aside today to look online for job vacancies, but Hanssen has indicated to me that he’d be happy to consider you for locum work if you decide on that route for a while.”

Bernie smiled gratefully at her.

“Thank you, it’s good to know that your problem solving business brain still works as well as ever.”

Serena gave her a peck on the lips.

“Cheeky. I’ll go and make a shopping list whilst you try to get in touch with Cam and Charlotte. I barely have enough food in for just us two, let alone if they all take us up on our offer.”

They both went inside and Serena started her shopping list, but had to wait until Bernie had spoken to her two before she could complete it.

“Do you have any requests for lunch tomorrow? A traditional Sunday roast or would you rather something less formal, more of a buffet that we could eat outside if the weather holds? First things first though, are either of them coming?”

Bernie gave a brief smile but it didn’t quite reach her eyes so Serena guessed that her children hadn’t been too excited that their mother had arrived back into their lives.

“Well, they said they’d pop over, but Cam is on a shift until 3.00pm, so a finger food might be the best solution. And I can’t imagine Jason will be happy if we have to alter dinner time too much.”

“That’s a good point, although he’s much better than he used to be at coping with last minute changes in his routines. Having a demanding baby in the home was a steep learning curve for him. I think he’ll be keen to come over if there’s nothing else they have planned. He’s told me many times how much he misses you.”

Bernie felt tears pricking at the back of her eyelids and she blinked rapidly to get rid of them. Jason held a very special place in her heart, not only because he was Serena’s nephew, but because he had genuinely been one of the first people, after her divorce, who had never made her feel as if she had been selfish in admitting her sexuality and who also never held back in telling her that some decisions she made were rubbish. She appreciated that level of honesty.

Serena reached out to pull Bernie down onto her lap.

“There’s one more thing I feel we need to talk in more detail about though. Why did you imagine I wouldn’t want you here, with me? Forgive me if I got it wrong, but I thought that was the main reason you resigned, to give us a chance of a life together. Or did you not want for us to be _that_ much of a couple?”

Bernie moved off Serena’s lap and indicated she was going into the lounge, holding out her hand for Serena to take. When they were both settled on the sofa Bernie took a moment to get her thoughts together, very aware that there were frown lines showing on Serena’s face, and she looked anxious.

“Of course I hoped it would be fine to stay here with you, perhaps for a longish holiday…but it’s a big jump isn’t it? Apart from a few weeks here and there, we’ve not really done the whole living together thing. And certainly not while we’ve both been working with all the demands that that can entail.”

Serena stared at the furrows now showing on Bernie’s forehead and her stomach did a little flip at how far they’d come and how much further they still had to go. She could see what Bernie was trying to say but surely they could now stop this pussy-footing around each other.

“You’re right. It is a big step. But I always thought it was exactly what we were trying to make happen, even when life kept throwing us curve-balls. Otherwise why did we always fight so long and hard to get past those obstacles? When you chose to come back to Holby, exactly what future for us were you thinking about?”

Bernie looked down at her hands that were twisting round in her lap.

“Um..not sure. Wanted to see how you’d react to my decision before I thought any more about it.”

As she spoke, Bernie heard the words that were spilling from her lips and her throat constricted. She’d vowed years ago that she would never lie to Serena again, and even if what she had just said wasn’t an outright lie, it certainly wasn’t the entire truth either. She stood up abruptly, and turning towards the door, she finally looked Serena in the eye.

“Can you give me a minute..I just need to....just stay here, please?

Totally puzzled, Serena watched as Bernie bolted upstairs. When more than a couple of minutes passed she was considering following her, but she thankfully heard her coming back down arriving in the lounge looking flustered and little breathless. Shifting her weight from foot to foot, when she spoke her words came out in a nervous rush.

“I..um, I haven’t been _entirely_ honest with you..”

She strode over to the window, gazing out for a second before gathering herself together and walked back to Serena, abruptly sitting back onto the sofa.

“I know you think I’m being ridiculous, I’ve not felt this nervous since I got blown up and realised I had to put my life in the hands of Valentine and Self who were in the middle of their own little drama…”

She stopped, putting her hands up in front of her, palms facing outwards as she tried to bring herself back in control..

“Sorry..classic diversion tactics. I’m nervous because although I feel we know and understand each other on a very instinctive level there are still huge gaps in my knowledge where I feel completely lost. I don’t want to upset you, so please believe me when I say that there is no wrong answer to my question.”

Serena was staring at Bernie looking totally bemused. She waited, not exactly patiently, but knew that badgering her to get a move on would only draw this out even further, so she held her tongue as best she could.

“You asked me what I had in mind when I resigned, and this was my main motivation.”

She opened her right hand to reveal a simple gold band with three diamonds set into it.

“I was thinking about how much I loved you and how much I wanted to be part of your real life, not just via a computer screen. I’m not saying I need to get married, because marriage doesn’t hold the best memories for either of us, but I know I’m a better person when I’m with you and I wanted a way to show that to our families and friends. If you do want to marry then you can take this as a proposal, but if you don’t want anything that formal then I’m fine with that too. We..we could just have an alternative sort of occasion if you want, and it could be wherever you want. We could go and choose a different ring if you want, this is one my aunt left me and it probably won’t even fit…”

Serena shut Bernie up in the only way she knew would stop her talking herself out of what she had just said, by pushing her forcefully against the back of the sofa and kissing her long and hard. When she finally pulled away she still kept her pinned there before starting her own little rant.

“You stupid, stupid completely adorable woman. It’s nearly three years since you kissed me for the first time and turned my life upside down and I’ve not been able to see straight since.”

Serena pulled a face at her unintentional pun as she stroked Bernie’s cheek, and her voice softened.

“We’ve travelled such a rocky road, most of the time being caught between a rock and a hard place, but I’d never stopped hoping for a time when we could really be together. Good god, most times I would have settled for inhabiting the same continent let alone the same country.”

She took a deep trembling breath.

“The answer is yes, to any and all of your questions, even though I’m not quite remember what they are right now. Do you understand me? YES!”

And before Bernie could react Serena surged forward to kiss her again, her body forcing Bernie back until they were both lying on the sofa, only pulling apart long enough to gulp more air into their lungs so that the kissing could continue. As things slowed down they relaxed until they rolled away from each other and Bernie had to suddenly grab at Serena to stop her falling off the sofa. They both started laughing as they struggled to sit upright.

“Remind me,” teased Bernie, was that a yes or a no?”


	4. Preparations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie and Serena have a discussion about 'the wedding' and Bernie looks for a job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to explain that I have no knowledge of how jobs and careers develop in the NHS, so I hope my idea of a career path for Bernie does not offend any health care professionals who may read this

Chapter 4 : Preparations

After Serena swatted Bernie for her cheekiness, there followed a long and deep discussion, talking through the sort of things they would probably have done many moons ago, if Elinor’s death hadn’t blown Serena’s world, and them, apart. A lot of Serena’s insecurities about their relationship stemmed from that day, and the weeks and months that followed. She felt she would never shed the guilt she still had about how she had treated Bernie at that time. One minute pushing her away with cruel, spiteful words and the next clinging to her desperately as if she were a lifeboat in a tempestuous sea. Those memories had been foremost in her mind when Bernie had told her, when they were in France together, that she was going to head back into a war zone. She didn’t feel she had any right to ask her _not_ to go, even though she dreaded the thought that she might lose her too. And it was also why she had always meant, in her heart, to be that person who would go and join her in Nairobi, because she owed her that at the very least. It had hurt her even more to realise that she could never have been that woman, and that once again it was Bernie who was making all the sacrifices. So they talked and cried and ate, and then talked and cried some more. By late afternoon they were both feeling drained and exhausted and Bernie hugged Serena tightly after yet another monologue from her about how she didn’t deserve Bernie, but no longer knew how to live without her.

“You promise you won’t hate me, when you get restless about being stuck here in Holby?” she said for the umpteenth time.

Bernie rubbed Serena’s back gently and leaned in towards her.

“I can’t tell you exactly what the future has in store for either of us, but I know we are _both_ committed to making this work. And there are two things you should know and understand unequivocally. One is that I can never imagine hating you, I can’t conceive of anything you could do that would lead me down that path.

Secondly, whenever people have asked me where my home is, I’ve always said here, and I always wanted to come home even when I was with Marcus. You being here made coming back such an easy thing, because now I only want to be where you are….understand?”

Serena nodded and gulped and cried a bit more, but gradually things calmed down and they moved on to deciding on exactly how to tell their friends and families about their decision.

They both ruled out the idea of a church wedding. Serena had never wanted one the first time round, and Edward had happily agreed to that. Bernie had done the whole traditional wedding and wasn’t looking to repeat it. The next point to consider was whether they actually _wanted_ a wedding, either in a registry office or somewhere else sanctioned for marriage ceremonies. The registry option was also quickly discarded, they wanted somewhere they could invite a number of people to witness their union, and then relax and have fun. Holby town hall did not meet that criteria. So they started looking at the range of venues in the surrounding countryside and quickly became overwhelmed with the choice. Bernie pushed the lap-top away and turned to Serena.

“We still haven’t really decided about whether we need that bit of paper that says we’re legally married,” she said. “What do you feel about it?”

Serena frowned.

“It’s a hard one to answer. Do I _need_ that documentation? No, I don’t, because being married to you has nothing to do with whether it’s approved by the law. But I hate to think of a time when one or the other of us would find herself having to fight to prove she has the right to make..difficult decisions.”

Bernie pulled her into a hug, knowing that Serena was thinking of her mother and that she had a deep-rooted fear that she too would suffer a similar fate.

“I’d always fight for you,” she whispered, “but I understand what you’re trying to say, and anyway I think, in terms of having that piece of paper, it is important. Too many have fought for so long to give us the freedom to make our love legal. We sort of owe it to them too.”

Emotions got the better of them for a while, and there followed a very pleasant interlude where clothes could have done with being shed, but weren’t. Serena was the first to call a halt to the proceedings, finding her business brain able to overcome the lust that was coursing through her veins. Bernie grudgingly allowed herself to be dragged back to deal with their current dilemma, and it was she who finally came up with what they hoped would be a feasible solution. Find a venue they both liked for a special occasion, knowing it wouldn’t have to be a place that could legally hold a wedding ceremony. Serena would ask Lexi, the hospital chaplain to perform a simple blessing for them, they could then make their pledges to each other, either publicly or in private, and festivities would follow. As soon as possible after that, just the two of them would head to the Registry Office on a previously arranged day to make it legal. By the time they went to bed that evening they were both exhausted but as content as they could be, given the list of things they wanted to accomplish whilst Serena was on holiday. They were both relieved to have so much they agreed upon, but as Bernie snuggled up to Serena she knew that she had to mention one, possibly sensitive issue.

“You do know, don’t you, that once we have a definite date fixed, that there is one person I will need to contact immediately?”

Serena reached up to stroke her face, and seeing the worry that was lurking in her eyes she thought that right there was one of reasons she loved this woman so much. The trouble she always went to trying to protect her from hurt. She nodded.

“Alex,” she said quietly. “Of course you must…I’d probably feel more anxious if you didn’t. I’m not going to insult you by saying that it won’t feel a tad awkward, meeting your soon to be wife’s former lover. The one that ‘turned’ her into the sapphic goddess that I get to share my bed and my life with.”

Bernie smiled with relief, but felt impelled to make one small observation.

“There was no ‘turning’ involved, as you well know. She simply reminded me of who I really was, who I was meant to be.”

She kissed her tenderly.

“All of which led me to you.”

Serena returned the kiss with a little more passion, and once again desire flared in both of them, but this time it was Bernie that pulled away first.

“I don’t want to be a killjoy, but we didn’t get around to doing any shopping today, and from what I’ve heard, we are going to need all our energy to deal with your very boisterous 18 month old great-niece tomorrow afternoon.”

“ _Our_ great-niece,” Serena corrected. “You’ll love her I know, although I have a sneaking suspicion that you will both get into some terrible scrapes together.”

Her voice ended with a sort of strangled sob and Bernie looked at her with concern but Serena shook her head.

“It’s fine, honestly…the thought of you two playing in the garden, getting to know one another just..overwhelmed me a little. It’s more than I’d hoped could happen.”

Bernie nodded her understanding and brushed her lips against Serena’s forehead.

“I’m going to turn around now,” she whispered, “otherwise I might have no other option than to ravish you..repeatedly. And..” she had to break off to grasp hold of Serena’s hand that had started to push underneath her top, a naughty glint in her eye. “And I do not want to meet my children or Jason for that matter, for the first time in months, looking as if I’ve been shagging all night.”

With a final peck on the nose Bernie did as she’d said, putting some distance between them as she turned her back on the woman she adored. They might both be heading towards their mid-fifties, but she always felt a little like a giddy teenager when she was in close proximity to Serena, as if she had no control over her raging hormones. Keeping herself in check was always easier if she wasn’t staring straight at her. She heard Serena mumbling her discontent at her actions and then a bit of wriggling around as she tried to get comfortable, followed by a resigned sigh. There was silence for a while and Bernie was just starting to drift off when she felt a hand rest lightly on her hip, and she smiled.

“I have told you before, haven’t I, how much I resent it when you’re right?” grumbled Serena.

“Hmm,” hummed Bernie.

“Good.” Serena snuggled a little closer, but didn’t try anything else. “In that case, g’night Ms Wolfe.”

“Night Ms Campbell.”

Although not spoken out loud they both heard “I love you” in their hearts.

xxxxxx

Bernie had been correct about them both being exhausted by the end of the following day, emotionally and physically. Little Guinevere was certainly a handful and Serena had loved watching Bernie pretending that she couldn’t catch her as they chased around the garden. Jason had been delighted to see Bernie again, and had monopolised her for nearly 30 minutes until Serena had gently reminded him that Bernie needed to speak to her own children as well as him.

Bernie was expecting some resentment from both of them for her secretive return, and she had felt that Charlotte would prove to be the most difficult, but it turned out to be the other way around. Her daughter had certainly arrived with a pinched smile and had felt quite stiff when Bernie had tried to pull her into a hug, but by the time that Cameron arrived she seemed to have thawed considerably. Cam however was quite sullen and his mood didn’t seem to lift much as the afternoon wore on. Serena could see how much it was bothering her and pulled her to one side, just before they broke the news of their ‘engagement’.

“Don’t fret too much love, being an F2 is a constant battle between taking responsibility and realising that there’s still so much to learn. I think he’s due another stint on AAU soon, I’ll try and keep an eye on him.”

Bernie sighed. “I wasn’t exactly expecting him to be over the moon that I’m back, but he’d always been the one to understand every time I took off to the other side of the world. Seemed genuinely pleased when we first got together, but now? He seems resentful of everything.”

Serena gave her a quick hug.

“I think he’s come up against a lot of people who compare him to you, especially at Holby, so perhaps he’s worrying that he’ll slip back into your shadow or that others will think any promotion he might get will be a case of ‘who’ you know, rather that what you know. Give him some space, I’m sure it’ll resolve itself.”

Bernie nodded, but was still feeling sad. She gave herself a mental shake and pressed her lips to Serena’s cheek.

“Come on then, let’s go and get it over with before I lose my confidence. But I’m leaving the actual announcement up to you.”

She ducked out of Serena’s arms and ran outside with Serena following her, laughing.

Everyone seemed to be happy at the news and by the time they had all gone home and the tidying up had been done, Serena and Bernie were glad to be sitting side by side, relaxing. Serena with a glass of her beloved Shiraz, and Bernie with a small tumbler of single malt.

“I think that went quite well, overall,” said Serena. “Even Cameron mouthed the words _‘about time’_ did you see?”

Bernie hummed her agreement, and then pulling Serena close she leant her cheek against Serena’s.

“There’s one very important person that you couldn’t tell today though wasn’t there?”

Serena’s heart clenched as Bernie continued.

“Would you like me to take you somewhere tomorrow, to share the news with Elinor? It could be the Garden of Remembrance, or perhaps a place that you and she used to go, where there are happy memories.”

Tears of sadness and happiness spilled down Serena’s cheeks and she put her glass down so that she could turn and bury her head into Bernie’s neck.

“Thank you,” she managed to mumble, wondering, not for the first time, what she had done to deserve the love of this woman.

Bernie wrapped her arms around her and felt her shirt grow damp as Serena struggled to regain control, wishing that she could take away her pain, feeling sad in knowing that she never could.

The next week and the weeks that followed became a blur as they worked through the list of things they needed to accomplish in such a short time. They both wanted to get things moving but their practical side agreed that it was likely to be at least six months before their special day could be achieved. Serena had sat alongside Bernie when she had arranged a video call to Alex, to ask her if she would be there in the role of ‘best person,’ to support her through any wobbles she might have. They had shared so much together, and Serena saw the respect and admiration in Alex’s eyes as they chatted about the trauma unit there, Bernie wanting to make sure that everything was running as she would expect. She saw the love there as well, and she had to squeeze Bernie’s hand tightly as she reminded herself that she was the woman Bernie had chosen to be with, even as she acknowledged that Alex and Bernie would always have a special connection that couldn’t fully include her. When the call finished Bernie turned to Serena and kissed her for a long time, before murmuring softly, “Thank you” as an acknowledgment of how difficult she knew Serena had found that .

Unsurprisingly Serena did most of the actual arrangements pertaining to the day, as initially Bernie was focusing all her energy into looking for a job. The first thing she did was to sign up as a locum for Holby and all hospitals with an ED in a forty mile radius of their home. She wanted to know that at the end of a shift she could get back home even if their hours of work meant they were like ships that pass in the night. If the truth be known, Bernie loved getting home in the early hours of the morning and climbing into bed to snuggle up to Serena, listening to her grumble about how it was alright for some people, but she had to get up and go to work in less than an hour.

“I’m sorry darling,” Bernie would murmur, “I know you won’t be able to get back to sleep now.” And then she would curve an arm around Serena’s waist, before allowing it to drop a little lower to tease her.

“How about we spend the time you have left doing something that will send you to work with a smile on your face?”

Serena’s protests would get louder, even as she was turning over so that Bernie could push a leg in between hers, and then would suddenly cease as Bernie stopped her mouth with her own. And even though Serena was unhappy that she eventually had to get up and go to work she loved standing at the bedroom door looking back at Bernie drifting off to sleep with a smile on her face.

Bernie was surprised at how much she liked being a locum. The variety of work she was offered meant that boredom was rarely an issue, and hospitals other than Holby soon began to realise that employing Bernie Wolfe as a consultant could have extra hidden advantages. A lot of patients referred to orthopaedic wards were often trauma cases from RTI’s, and this was Bernie’s bread and butter, try to save shattered limbs from amputation. She also got started to get a lot of calls to emergency departments when major incidents had occurred, able to offer clear concise instructions on how to handle the flood of severely injured people through their doors. It didn’t always mean that she gelled with other consultants instantly, but most of them could see that they would be foolhardy not to listen to her advice. She was still based at Holby for most of the time, mainly in the ED trauma unit which Hanssen was aware, had been severely under utilised since Ellie Gardner had left and Connie Beauchamp had needed extended leave to recover from a medication dependency. But there was another role that he had been considering for Ms Wolfe that he hoped the board would approve. He wanted to her on the permanent staff by employing her as a freelance consultant. Someone who would be based there and paid by them, but who could also be used by other hospitals in training existing staff on how best to handle the growing number of trauma cases they were all seeing. He called both Bernie and Serena to his office to discuss his idea and after outlining what he had in mind he asked them to go away and formulate a business plan (Serena’s strength) to put before the board. If they could convince them, the proposal would be that other hospitals, conceivably the length and breadth of the U.K., could ‘buy’ her expertise for days or even weeks at a time, to lecture in medical schools and train their frontline staff in trauma techniques. Hanssen knew that they would both need to discuss this at length to make sure that it was a plan that they could both live with.

They hadn’t been sitting in the office on AAU for very long when Serena felt she had to raise her doubts.

“Are you sure you want this?” she asked bluntly. “When you came home you said that one of the reasons was because you were getting less and less time in theatre due to the training programme you had to maintain. Wouldn’t it be the same here? An endless parade of lecture halls and paperwork, which I know you hate, with the distinct possibility of having little opportunity to be at the sharp end?”

Bernie gazed across the desk and tipped her head to one side as she considered her answer.

“What I hated most about it in Nairobi was not being with you. When I was in theatre it was easier to push my longing for you to the back of my mind. And before you jump in saying how you ended up signing off most of my files when we shared this office together, we both know you did that because you loved me.”

She smiled and then paused again for a moment.

“I’m not going to have to completely rewrite a lecture or training programme every time I head to a new hospital am I? I may need to tweak things depending on which hospital it is, and keep up to date on latest trauma techniques so that some third year medical student doesn’t try to catch me out but, other than that, I think I might actually enjoy it. Especially if we can include some clause to say that the best teaching is done in the operating theatre, so they would need to guarantee me so much time wielding a scalpel. What about you though? It will mean that occasionally we’ll have to be apart, possibly for a few weeks, with me only coming home at weekends. Not exactly what you’d hoped for either.”

Serena walked around the desk and pushed herself onto Bernie’s lap, stroking her hands through that impossibly irresistible hair.

“This little island isn’t so big that I couldn’t get to see you in a matter of hours if I’m feeling really desperate. And perhaps sometimes I could even come with you and we could show hospital staff and students alike just how well we work together, in and out of theatre. How important it is to know someone has your back.”

There was near silence for a few minutes after that as they kissed and smiled and kissed some more.

They had the date fixed and a venue booked and slowly all the other details began to fall into place. There were a few hiccups along the way, the ring that Bernie had hoped that Serena might wear was a little too big for her finger, so they had to get a piece taken out. But whilst at the jewellers, Bernie was persuaded by Serena to choose a ring she would be happy to wear, so that was another problem solved. They were still trying to keep things as informal as possible and so they shopped for their outfits together, both choosing something casual but entirely suiting their personalities, although Serena had forbidden anything all black and Bernie had requested no plunging necklines that might make her forget the words she had chosen to say. That part of the day was going to be hard enough as it was. They were going to walk up to Lexi together but be flanked by Jason and Greta on Serena’s side and Cameron and Charlotte on Bernie’s. Serena had also spent some significant amount of time trying to teach Guinevere to walk in front of them holding a few wild flowers in her hands. Serena explained to Bernie that Jason had asked if they were planning on having a bridesmaid, and when she had said no he had merely observed that it would have been nice for Guinevere to look back when she was older, and feel as if she had been an important part of the day too and Bernie was happy to agree.

However they had both decided not to go along with Jason’s other suggestion that they should observe tradition and spend the night before their big day, apart from each other. Bernie being Bernie she had wanted to give Serena the option and had said that she could stay with Charlotte for a night, or even book into a hotel, until Serena made it perfectly clear that she was not interested. Which made it even more surprising to Bernie when Serena put forward the idea that perhaps it might make things seem a little more special if they agreed to abstain from sex in the week leading up to the ceremony. She mentioned it casually as Bernie was cooking them a mushroom risotto, and Serena was standing by the open kitchen door watching some much needed rain hammer down onto the garden. Bernie stopped stirring and turned her head to look at Serena in astonishment.

“Sorry, what now?”

Serena turned a very pretty shade of pink under her gaze.

“It’s only a few nights, and I just thought…I mean, wouldn’t it sort of heighten the ‘wedding night’ experience? It’s not like we can’t cope without being intimate for a few days, we’re not exactly teenagers raging with hormones are we?”

‘ _You might not be, I’m not so sure about myself,_ ’ thought Bernie, recalling how the most innocent of cuddles could easily turn into quite the sexual marathon.

“Well, even if I decide to agree with you, I can’t say I understand your reasoning here. I thought that the day itself will be so exhausting that the chances are we’ll both fall into bed and be asleep within minutes.”

It was Serena’s turn to look amazed.

“Really? You imagine that after not being able to do much else for the whole day but be platonically affectionate because all our friends and families will be watching our every move, that we won’t be in an extremely heightened state of arousal by the time we get a little privacy in our ‘honeymoon suite’?”

She watched Bernie consider this as she returned her attention back to the risotto before it burned. She sidled up to her, placing her hand at the top of Bernie’s very firm left butt cheek, dragging it down until her palm was cupping the flesh where it met her thigh, squeezing and kneading.

“And I was planning on having something very special to reward you with, if you’d do as I ask.”

Bernie swallowed with difficulty and then yelped as Serena gave her backside a sharp pinch and slap.

Taking a deep breath she stared out of the window, trying to appear as if she didn’t mind either way.

“Well, if it means so much to you, that’s fine by me,” she said, her voice sounding shaky to her ears in spite of her attempt at nonchalance. “But no teasing each other in the week leading up to it in that case, okay?”

The grin on Serena’s face as she nodded made Bernie a little dubious that she would stick to the rules but she accepted it at face value. She supposed they’d managed it for months at a time until quite recently, so how difficult could a few nights be?

Bernie didn’t allow the thought to surface that it was far easier to manage when there were 3,000 odd miles between them, that it wasn’t so easy when a sexy woman, fresh from a shower was climbing into bed to lie next to you.

She was still thinking about it when she headed off to Holby to cover a night shift on AAU, whilst Ric was on holiday. She was hoping to have a few hours of peace and quiet to get on with some more paperwork that the board had requested at the last moment, thinking that she could leave it for Serena to cast her eye over the following day. She shook her head in frustration as she imagined having to curtail her desires for one whole week when she still felt they were in the first flush of their relationship. By the time their day arrived it would be the longest they had lived together but even if you added the weeks they had up to and after Elinor's death, it was still well under a year. The sex with Serena was the best she’d ever had and had the added advantage for her that it helped her de-stress when things threatened to overwhelm her. A smile spread over her face as her mind drifted back to only two weeks ago when she hadn’t been able (or wanted) to control her _need_ for Serena.

Jason had been fishing with a porter friend, deciding that the relatively solitary sport might actually suit him, especially as noise levels were kept to a minimum for fear of scaring away the fish. And he had found himself to be quite good at it, as long as there was someone else on hand to remove the fish from the hook as he didn’t like the way it squirmed around. Most of them were returned to the water, but his friend had encouraged him to take at least 2 home with him, so they could cook them for their evening meal. He had been so keen to show Greta his success that he failed to take into account that she might not want to gut and fillet. So he had ended up on Serena’s doorstep with a plastic bag that he thrust into her surprised hands. She thanked him and walked back into the house, relieved that she had her own survival expert on hand to do the necessary, and handed the bag to Bernie. It turned out that the theory of how to do something was a lot easier than reality of coming face to face with a cold fish eye staring at her. She turned to look pitifully at Serena.

“It’s been a long time since I did this,” she mumbled. “I think I’m a lot more used to lizards and snakes these days.”

Serena had rolled her eyes and shooed Bernie out of the way.

“In that case go and do something useful, like popping to Sainsbury’s for some salad and a dessert,” she said irritably. “Or doesn’t your survival training cover supermarkets either?”

When Bernie had just stood there looking like a puppy who’d had his favourite toy taken away from him, Serena’s face softened.

“It’s fine,” she said, “it can’t be that hard, and there’s always YouTube videos if my surgical skills fail.”

When Bernie arrived back at the house nearly an hour later she went into the kitchen to find a very smug and excited Serena washing her hands. She whirled around grinning at Bernie, proudly gesturing at the two perfectly cleaned rainbow trout lying on a large plate.

“Be a love and pop those in the fridge will you?” she said to Bernie, any previous rancour towards her completely gone, and wordlessly Bernie had covered the fish and did as she was asked. She thought perhaps that she should still apologise, but as she turned around she was immediately overwhelmed at the sight in front of her. Serena was still quite flushed, her cheeks a beautiful pink, though whether from effort or pride it was difficult to tell. Her hair looked spiky as if she’d just got out of bed, and Bernie could picture how many times she must have run her hands through it as she’d been thinking how to tackle the job in front of her. That combined with the beaming smile made Bernie almost run to her, to gather her fiercely into her arms kissing her passionately. Serena was momentarily surprised but within seconds her hands were threading their way into Bernie’s hair cupping the back of her head to keep their mouths almost painfully pressed together. Bernie was fumbling with the buttons on Serena’s blouse as their kiss continued, remembering only too well that she was naked underneath. Her hands pushed the fabric apart and as they sought out Serena’s plentiful breasts a high pitched moan from her echoed around the kitchen. Bernie pulled away, and ducking her head she sucked a nipple into her mouth and used the tip of her tongue to flick rapidly back and forth across it. Serena was forced to grab at Bernie’s shoulders as her knees buckled beneath her, and seconds later Bernie was kissing her again, making small mewling sounds of her own. The kiss deepened and as Serena felt Bernie’s hands push underneath the elastic waistband of her leggings she squirmed backwards and tried to interrupt.

“Bernie,” she said breathlessly, “why don’t we take this somewhere more comfortable?”

Bernie glared at her.

“It’s here or nowhere,” she said in a commanding tone, and one of her hands came back up to cup a breast tweaking the nipple between her thumb and forefinger, pulling sharply. “If you really want me to stop you need to tell me right now and I’ll leave you in peace.”

Serena’s mind was racing, her body felt as if it was on fire. This was so unlike Bernie, she rarely allowed herself to be consumed by lust and Serena was so turned on she didn’t want her to stop at all. She felt the hand that was resting on her hip start to play with the edge of her knickers and she moaned again.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” hissed Bernie as she began to suck at the flesh just below Serena’s ear. Serena clung to Bernie as she felt herself being guided backwards until her backside collided with the table.

“Put your hands down to steady yourself,” ordered Bernie as she started to tug Serena’s trousers over her hips. By the time Bernie’s hands had returned to do the same with her knickers, Serena was gripping the edge of the table with all the strength she could muster. Bernie was overcome by the sight in front of her, an almost naked Serena, her whole upper body a deep red, panting with desire. She pushed the blouse from her shoulders so it pooled over her wrists and then lifted one of her legs slightly to free it from the confines of her clothes. She watched Serena’s eyes darken as she trailed the hand back up her leg, stopping just short of the top of her thighs, her eyes closing as she waited expectantly for the next move.

“No, no, no,” Bernie said softly as she stepped forwards into the gap between Serena’s legs. “I want your eyes open, looking at me for as long as you can. Otherwise I stop right here.”

Serena took a shuddering breath as her eyes fluttered open and Bernie smiled.

“You’re really enjoying this aren’t you?” Bernie taunted as she watched Serena’s mouth fall open at the feel of two fingers sliding easily into her. “You should see yourself as I do, wanton, virtually naked in the kitchen wondering how long I’ll make you wait.”

She pulled out, letting her fingers stroke around her sex, tickling across her clit before she drove the fingers back inside so suddenly that the table rocked against the wall and Serena wailed.

“Bernie..please..”

Bernie gave a very smug grin at the quiet plea that fell from Serena’s lips and she kissed her roughly as her hand began to thrust steadily into her. When she pulled way she saw Serena’s eyes flicker open for a second before closing tightly shut as Bernie’s palm and wrist banged against her clit with every inward stroke. Serena was finding it hard to stay upright and her breathing was so shallow she began to wonder if she would pass out, when she felt her legs start to stiffen as her climax grew closer. Within a minute she was clenching around Bernie’s fingers and her whole body started to shake with relief causing her to slump forwards. Bernie brought her left arm swiftly around her waist to offer support pulling Serena towards her as she did, gently removing her fingers so she was able to cup Serena’s backside as her breathing slowed.

“That was over quicker than I anticipated,” she whispered in Serena’s ear. “I’m pretty certain I could coax another orgasm from you without too much effort.”

Serena, still panting slightly replied in a voice that was deep and honeyed.

“Oh, I’m damn sure you could.”

She pushed Bernie away as she pulled her blouse back onto her shoulders, and bent down slightly to extricate herself from her clothes still around one ankle before picking them up to place into Bernie’s hands. At the flick of a switch Serena was taking back the control.

“Be a darling and pop these into the washing machine would you?”

With a wink, and now wearing nothing but her blue blouse that scarcely reached the curve of her bum Serena sauntered provocatively over to the door.

“I’ll be upstairs, but don’t take too long or I might be forced to take matters into my own hands.”

And with a deep throaty chuckle she disappeared from sight.

Bernie was momentarily frozen to the spot as she tried to work out exactly how Serena had managed to grab the reigns from her. Then glancing at the clothes in her hands she simply dropped them back onto the floor and charged after her.

Sitting in the office on AAU Bernie took a deep breath to calm herself. If just recalling that incident had her heart racing, she was beginning to think that the week before the wedding was going to feel very, very long.


	5. Nearly There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serena meets Alex face to face for the first time at their 'definitely not a Hen do' outing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here we are at the penultimate chapter which has taken me a lot longer to write than i imagined considering that very little happens. It's all about getting them to their special day.

Chapter 5 : Nearly there

They had both agreed that a hen night was not on the cards, but when Alex announced she was arriving in the UK. three days before the big day, they decided to get a few friends together and have bit of an evening out. After all this was going to be a holiday for Alex and her partner Katie, ao they invited a few colleagues from Holby and Bernie’s children. Although Bernie had worried over they might react to Alex, Cameron and Charlotte assured her that was water under the bridge now, and promised to behave themselves. Jason and Greta were also invited but they made their excuses as Jason was doing a couple of extra shifts so that he would have the whole of the coming weekend free, and Greta still hadn’t found anyone, other than Serena that she felt happy with, to babysit Guinevere.

On reflection, Bernie was sure she had made a mistake in allowing Dom to arrange it all. She had decided that Serena had done so much of the legwork for their wedding that she didn’t want her to take on this extra task, then had panicked and turned to Dr Copeland for ideas. What she hadn't envisaged was Dom taking over, but as she was working away from Holby the few days prior, she relinquished her hold and consoled herself with the assumption that at least it wouldn’t be boring. And she was right, but her stomach dropped about 40 storeys when standing at the door of the bar that he had chosen, when she realised it was a karaoke evening. Serena nudged her with her shoulder.

“Come along Berenice, you’re braver than you think. And surely you wouldn’t deprive your soon to be wife the chance to have a little too much to drink and then getting up to embarrass you?”

Serena squeezed her hand gently and tipped her head questioningly in the direction of the entrance. Bernie gave a rueful smile and grasping Serena’s fingers a little more firmly she squared her shoulders and strode in. She was glad to see that they weren’t the first as Dom, Fletch and Sacha waved wildly in their direction as they entered and Serena spotted Ric standing at the bar obviously ordering drinks. She was about to go over and tell him their requirements too when Bernie stopped her.

“I think he knows your tipple of choice by now, don’t you? And mine too if it comes to that.”

Serena gave her an affectionate shove in the direction of the waiting group.

“In that case I’ll help him bring them over, it's rarer than hen's teeth that Ric get his wallet out and I suspect it wont happen again tonight. You go and nab us a couple of seats please.”

When she reached the bar she gave Ric a broad smile.

“Thanks for coming, it wouldn’t have felt right if you hadn’t been here.”

Ric looked at her affectionately.

“I still remember that night when you first confessed your burgeoning feelings for the major, you positively glowed.”

He put one of his hands over Serena’s.

“You have been to hell and back since then, and I’m really glad things finally seem to have worked out for you both. You deserve to be happy Serena, more than anyone I know.”

She leant her head on his shoulder for a moment.

“She’s had plenty of problems too Ric, and what still hurts the most was knowing that I was one of them.”

She turned her head to look in Bernie’s direction and then froze, as she watched a slim dark haired woman creep up behind her and place her hand over Bernie’s eyes, pressing their heads closely together.

Ric followed her line of sight and gave a small chuckle.

“I’m taking it that you know who that is,” he remarked drily. “Otherwise I may need to stick around longer as I’d planned to act as a referee.”

Serena breathed in and out slowly, but couldn’t stop a slight sigh escaping her lips.

“That is the infamous Alex Dawson, known far and wide as the reason Bernie’s divorce from Marcus was so acrimonious. And apart from me, I guess you’d describe her as Bernie’s best friend.”

She watched a little longer before gritting her teeth.

“Come on..lets get the drinks. Time to meet her ex-lover in the flesh so to speak.”

Even as she acknowledged that the woman just standing slightly apart from the group was probably Alex’s partner, did not stop the stab of jealousy that she felt as she saw Bernie pull Alex into a warm hug, a delighted grin on her face. But Serena did what she does best when faced with a difficult social situation and plastering a smile on her face she walked across the room, determined to rise to the challenge of making Bernie's ex feel welcome. The next few minutes were slightly awkward as Bernie introduced Alex rather formally to everyone and then Alex did a similar introduction with Katie who was still hanging back. Serena smiled sympathetically at her, knowing that they were both probably watching their partners interaction with each other a little too closely.

She took her to where there were a couple of spare seats and sat down next to her.

“I’m not sure exactly where you and Alex are in your relationship, but we both should remember that at a time when they could have got back together, they still chose us. I have finally made my peace with the fact that I can’t have the same connection they have because I wasn’t part of her life through some very difficult times in some very harsh places. And who knows if I had been, maybe I wouldn't be with her today. I've learnt the hard way that life really is too short for ‘what ifs’.”

Kate looked at her and smiled gratefully.

“Oh, I get that. It’s just hard to remember sometimes. I do know that Bernie broke her heart when she chose Holby and her husband over her. She confessed it to me when we’d had a row about her drinking too much and how she always held something of herself back from me.”

Serena nodded, realising that hiding their emotions from people was definitely something that Bernie and Alex shared. A self defence mechanism she presumed.

“But she also told me that she now knows Bernie made the right decision. That even if she’d gone back to the army and her, they wouldn’t have recaptured what they once had, and that may have meant they couldn’t have stayed friends.”

Serena squeezed her arm and sighed.

“I hope you won’t mind if I decide to share that knowledge with Bernie at some point, because she carries an awful lot of guilt around with her about all of her past relationships.”

They suddenly became aware that both Alex and Bernie were watching them with an air of disquiet. an anxious look on both of their faces, and Serena couldn’t resist teasing.

“You need look worried, we could share stories that would make you both blush. So make sure you don’t upset us, right?”

Everyone in the small group laughed, including Bernie and Alex, and it wasn’t long before Dom was on his feet and dragging Sacha to towards the ‘stage’ for his first karaoke performance of the night.

As the evening wore on and inhibitions were shed, often going hand in hand with the amount of alcohol that had been imbibed, more of their numbers were persuaded to provide the entertainment. Bernie had the shock of her life when Alex, more than a little the worse for wear, got up to take a turn. She was surprised to hear such a sweet, yet strong voice, emanate from someone she thought she knew so well, and she turned to Serena her eyes wide with astonishment. Serena laughed at Bernie and took great delight in reminding her of an occasion before they had got together where her lack of music knowledge had cuse great hilarity on AAU.

“It’s ironic don't you think, that someone who can’t tell her Cher from her Dusty Springfield should be attracted to women who are clearly very musical.”

Bernie huffed at the reminder of her inability to remember singers names, and in a reckless moment she yanked Serena up from her seat and tugged her towards the karaoke machine. Serena having had two turns at the mike already, happy to make the most of being the centre of attention and to share her love of singing, pulled up short. She looked at Bernie with a frown creasing her forehead.

“Do you really want to sing…..I mean are you sure?”

Everyone there was aware that Bernie never willingly put herself in the spotlight and Serena wanted to know it wasn’t just because she’d had one too many whiskies.

“No one is expecting you to join in..not even Dom.”

Bernie nodded her head firmly.

“I’m fine as long as you will do it with me and you help me find one you think I can manage not to ruin, or that won’t leave me looking like a total idiot. It is supposed to be my night as well as yours you know”

When Serena saw Bernie was earnest she scrolled through the song choices with her until they found one that Bernie was fairly confident about. It was a Dolly Parton classic, and Serena promised she wouldn’t leave her floundering if she got confused about whose turn it was to sing, which seemed to reassure her. Just before they were due to begin she turned to Serena and said shakily, “Will you start it off?”

Serena gave her a brief kiss and Bernie nearly dropped her mike when she heard the roar of approval and support from their cohort. As the opening chords began Serena turned towards Bernie and sang in the rich tones that Bernie had often heard echoing around their home.

“Baby when I met you there was peace unknown

I set out to get you with a fine tooth comb.

I was soft inside

There was something going on..”

Bernie focused all her energy into gazing into Serena’s eyes, and continued.

“You do something to me that I can’t explain.

Hold me closer and I feel no pain.

Every beat of my heart

We’ve got something going on..”

Their arms slid around each other’s waists and as their voices blended together more harmoniously than anyone had considered possible, and for Bernie the rest of the room ceased to exist. By the time they reached the last verse of ‘Islands in the Stream’ they were both swaying, foreheads touching, and as the last notes died away Bernie gathered Serena completely into her arms and kissed her thoroughly.

It wasn’t until Serena felt someone trying to prise the microphone from her hands that they remembered where they were and stumbled their way off the dais, out of the room and into the corridor. Serena sighed and breathed heavily as Bernie embraced her once more, their heads resting against each other.

“Whose stupid idea was it not to have sex this week?” she growled. “I am so turned on right now, it’s positively sinful.”

Bernie pulled her head up sharply.

“Is this Serena Campbell actually admitting that she might have made an error of judgement?” she said incredulously. “Well, well, well, miracles do still happen.”

Serena gave her a full on glare.

“No, I don’t mean that at all,” she started, and then collapsed in a fit of giggles as she realised she had nowhere to go with this.

“There’s no reason why we have to stick with it though, surely?” said Bernie with a smile on her face. “After all, it’s not as if it’s written in stone, or that anyone else has any idea about it.”

She put two fingers underneath Serena’s chin and kissed her softly, whilst gently manoeuvring her backwards until her spine was flat against the wall. Serena raised her arms so that she could press her hands to the back of Bernie’s head to hold her in place as their lips parted to allow their tongues to mingle, and the kiss deepened. Moaning softly, Bernie pushed her right leg between Serena’s and felt her squirm as her hips began to rock back and forth grinding against Bernie's thigh. Bernie wondered only a few moments later, exactly how far things might have gone had not Fleur Fanshawe come barrelling out of the bar in search of them both, and squealed with joy at catching them in the throes of passion.

Startled at the noise and gasping slightly they broke apart, their cheeks flushed from both sexual excitement and being caught making out in a very public place. Waiving Fleur away by promising they would return to the party very soon, they both tried to compose themselves, but Bernie could scarcely tear her eyes away from Serena’s kiss swollen lips or her heaving bosom.

Pushing Bernie a little further away and easing herself from the thigh that only moments before she had been shamelessly riding, Serena smiled ruefully.

“Well, that wasn’t embarrassing at all, was it? I can only hope that Fleur was the only one to witness that. I would never have been able to look either of your children in the eye again if it had been one of them.”

Bernie groaned at the thought.

“So perhaps we should get back in there before Ms Fanshawe starts blabbing to all and sundry. She’s not exactly known for her subtlety is she?”

She didn’t move very far before she stopped to ask the question that hung in the air between them.

“Are we still going to refrain from..you know..when we get home?”

There was a wistful tone in her voice and Serena felt bad as she answered.

“I think so…I’m sorry. It’s only a couple of more nights. I’ll….I’ll sleep in the spare room though, if that will help.”

Bernie took Serena’s hand and pressed it to her lips.

“How very noble of you. But no. I’d rather battle my desires lying next to you than separated by a wall, as long as _you_ can cope with that.”

They kissed briefly and leaning into one another they returned to their friends, to the sound of wolf whistles and applause, but for them the frivolities were over. They were both more than happy to finally get home and fall asleep in each other’s arms.

It was finally **the** morning, and both of their phones were ringing and pinging at an ungodly hour as friends and relatives were anxious that neither of them should forget what day this was. And Serena was looking forward to it if truth be told. She had always enjoyed being in the public eye as long as it was for a positive reason, and she always exuded an outward confidence in herself that many envied and marvelled at. Bernie had also had her fair share of the limelight in her professional life, but when she was under scrutiny in her private life she found it far more difficult to deal with. In the army she had found the stiff upper lip, ramrod straight back and the focus she had needed in the operating theatre, an easy way of keeping most people at arms length. A technique she had often found very useful in keeping those butterflies in her stomach tucked away from the public gaze. She’d always believed that as she got older it would get easier to keep her emotions hidden, but she hadn’t taken falling in love with Serena Campbell into account. Since the day that she had admitted to herself that Serena was definitely ‘the one’ it was as if her insides had turned to butter, ready to melt at every thought, every sight and every mention of her. She still found it difficult, letting the world see what she was feeling because it meant having to accept that she was as vulnerable as everyone else. She stood still in the kitchen, watching Serena whirl around her and felt her breathing hitch at the sight of this beautiful woman, berating herself for half-wishing that they could have eloped. But she also knew she would give up anything to see Serena this happy, and as she whisked past her once again she extended her arm to pull her to a stop and into her arms.

“I love you so much,” she whispered against her cheek. “I know I don’t say it often enough but I do. You mean the world to me.”

Serena felt as if her heart would burst. She was painfully aware that Bernie would find parts of today quite difficult, and that there would probably be tears from both of them before it was over. She also knew exactly what Bernie had sacrificed to make this happen.

“Of course I know,” she said, her voice husky with barely contained emotion. “Because you gave up so much to make this possible. To make _my_ dreams come true when I was beginning to doubt that we could ever have a life together. Never ever question that I love you too..that you’re my reason to be.”

They kissed, slow and sweet, pouring everything they said and everything they couldn’t find the words to say, into it.

It seemed as if eons passed before they broke apart, a bubble of contentment wrapped around them, until Serena pushed herself away from Bernie’s arms.

“Come on Ms Wolfe, you know I will just panic if we don’t get there early. And that includes getting to the hotel I’ve booked for the weekend to drop off our cases. So if you’ve not already packed yours then you should get moving.”

Bernie gave a roll of her eyes that would have put Serena to shame.

“Good god Campbell, we’re only going to be away two nights. I could easily fit what I need into your case. I don’t need one of my own.”

Serena looked slightly alarmed.

“No…no you can’t do that. I won’t have any spare room in my case.”

“What? You have to be joking? I’m only taking a couple of pairs of knickers and one change of clothes.” She waggled her eyebrows suggestively. “I’m sincerely hoping that I won’t need any nightwear.”

Bernie was somewhat bemused when Serena stuck to her guns and shook her head.

“No, that’s out of the question. You’ll just have to find your old kitbag and get things sorted as fast as you like. We’ve got to get to the hotel, and then drive on to Moreton Hall and get changed for the ceremony there. They’ve reserved two rooms for us to don our outfits, so don’t pack yours for heavens sake. It can hang in the back of the car.”

Bernie simply nodded, realising that Serena was in full management mode and couldn’t imagine how she would take the knowledge that it had been Bernie’s intention to get into her wedding clothes here, seeing how the venue was only a 40 minute drive from them. She packed her few items whilst Serena was showering, and by the time she herself had finished in the bathroom, Serena had put their luggage in the car and was waiting for her in the kitchen with a fresh pot of coffee brewing and a bowl of porridge ready.

“Porridge?”

Bernie grinned.

“I’d have thought a Bucks Fizz suited the occasion far more than porridge. And where’s yours?”

Serena pushed her firmly down onto a chair.

“You and I both know that once we’re there you’ll be so nervous you’re unlikely to let anything nutritious past your lips, however tempting it looks. You cannot survive on cake alone, and I definitely don’t want you running out of energy before we get back to the hotel.”

Bernie sighed, knowing Serena was correct in her assumptions, yet couldn’t resist having the last word.

“Seems you’re expecting an awful lot from one bowl of porridge. And more to the point, when have I ever let you down in the bedroom?”

Serena shushed her with a peck on the lips and then waited for her to swallow at least half of the bowl before she set off to check everything was as tidy and secure (for the second time) as possible, and it was less than 15 minutes before they were on their way.

The rest of the morning was a blur. Cases were dropped at the hotel, but Serena made Bernie wait in the car because she wanted to keep as much as possible a secret. A sort of wedding gift she supposed, although they had never discussed anything around that tradition and she sincerely hoped that Bernie wouldn’t be annoyed at finding out how much she wanted to spoil her. When they arrived at Moreton Hall they were each given a room to get changed in so that even though they more or less knew what the other would be wearing, it would only be at the last moment that they would see each other in their outfits. Charlotte had promised to give Bernie a hand getting ready, and Donna had kindly offered to be Serena’s lady in waiting. Greta had also indicated she would be willing to help, but as Guinevere was going through a very clingy stage with her mother, Serena didn’t think that having a bubbly toddler around her feet would afford her any sense of calm. Especially when coupled with Greta’s habit of constantly quoting statistics as to why things were more likely to go wrong than right, so she had politely declined her well-meaning proposal.

As there was still a couple of hours to the ceremony, Serena being Serena she took a good few minutes conversing with the events manager to make sure everything was under control before she joined Bernie on the balcony that overlooked the beautiful gardens and surrounding countryside. She stood behind her for a few moments half expecting to see a cigarette being jiggled between her fingers, knowing that when she was stressed it was the first thing she reached for, even if it never got lit. When she didn’t move at all Serena took a few steps forward to stand at her side, and saw a smile spread over Bernie’s face as she reached for Serena’s hand.

“Wasn’t sure if you’d be puffing away like a chimney when I saw you out here,” Serena observed. “Either that or getting ready to run around the grounds to get rid of some nervous energy.”

Bernie turned her head to look at Serena and saw a couple of worry lines on her forehead.

“You’re the one that seems to be frowning, not me.” She pressed a kiss to Serena’s hairline. “This is the most relaxed I’ve felt in a while because today is finally the day I get to show everyone how much I love you.” She kissed Serena’s nose and then pressed a chaste kiss to her lips. “Not even having to stand up and make a little speech could ruin the happiness I feel inside of me.”

Serena blinked away a few tears at Bernie’s words, and she relaxed into her side. In spite of Bernie being the one who had proposed to her, she had always had a niggling doubt that it was out of the innate sense of duty that Bernie lived her life by. She snuggled against her and sighed.

“You know me, always wanting to cross the ‘t’s’ and ‘dot the i’s’. What can I say? I’m a control freak. But I’m also stupidly happy too.”

Bernie bent her head and kissed her properly then, and Serena felt her knees sag slightly at the fervent and passionate feeling it invoked in her. One of her hands dropped, first to Bernie’s hips and then further round until her fingers were digging into the cheeks of her bum and little moans were heard from both of them. It only ended when a third person cleared their throat noisily and they pulled reluctantly apart. Still in each other’s arms they slowly turned to see Lexy, the hospital chaplain, smiling benevolently at them.

“Sorry to interrupt, but some of your other guests thought that it should be me to break you apart before things got out of hand. Which, according to Ms Fanshawe, is happening a little more frequently as of late.”

They both blushed and moved further away from each other, still holding hands. And then blushed even more as they saw the range of faces at the balcony window that were all grinning at them. Then Alex and Charlotte came outside too, to prise Bernie from Serena’s side.

“Major, I think we still have a few manoeuvres to discuss before the ceremony, and as that’s now less than an hour away I think you should both retire to your changing rooms.”

Bernie’s unique laugh exploded into the air, and before long everyone within hearing distance was laughing too. Taking advantage of the moment Donna and Fletcher appeared at Serena’s side just as Bernie was being ushered away, and tucking each of Serena’s arms into their own they left the rest of their guests to make their way to their seats.

Just before 12 noon, Greta arrived in the corridor with Guinevere looking adorable in a simple long white frock with a few flowers in her hair that probably wouldn’t stay in place for more than a couple of minutes. Jason and Cameron were there too waiting to take their places in the procession when Charlotte and Donna emerged from the respective rooms and beckoned to Serena and Bernie to follow them. There was a moment’s silence as the couple caught sight of each other and they both sighed and smiled simultaneously as they took in the vision before them. Bernie had on a pale grey suit that hugged her slim figure, coupled with a deeper grey shirt which had two buttons undone at the top to give a tantalising glimpse of her collarbones. And completely unbeknownst to Serena, she had added rich blue waistcoat that matched the colour of Serena’s dress perfectly. Bernie was likewise transfixed by the unusually (for Serena) figure hugging dress that showed every shapely curve that Bernie adored. True to Bernie’s request there was no plunging neckline but as they met and turned side on, ready to walk down the aisle of the room ahead, Bernie couldn’t stop herself from looking at Serena’s back and gasped as she saw a large expanse of smooth skin exposing her shoulder blades and she barely contained a growl of approval. Smirking at Bernie’s reaction Serena squeezed her hand lightly.

“Steady tiger,” she whispered. “Plenty of time for that later.”

Bernie took a deep breath and nodded.

“Ready Ms Campbell?”

“More than ready, Ms Wolfe.”


	6. This is It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter where Serena and Bernie agree that however difficult and messy love is, it's too wonderful to ignore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Considering this last chapter is the reason for the whole fic, I have really struggled to get it to this time of posting. Due partly to being in a degree of pain from sciatica, making concentration quite difficult. So I hope I haven't disappointed too many, and especially not BramwellBern

Chapter 6 This is it

Fingers lightly entwined they walked towards Lexy, flanked by their families and following a very excited great-niece who was pulling the flowers out of her hair and stopping randomly to offer them to various guests, giggling as she did. Serena felt tears welling up and had to focus on Bernie to stop them from falling. As they reached the front of the seated guests everyone else sat down and with a small squeeze they loosed hands, and faced the hospital chaplain who welcomed everyone to share in this day of celebration.

“I’m sure all of you will know that this isn’t a wedding, and not even a blessing in the interpretation of the church, which would happen _after_ the couple have tied the knot in a civil ceremony. And I know that all of you here will have very different thoughts as to the existence, or not, of any higher being. I’m sure that these two ladies would describe themselves as spiritual _not_ religious, so you must be wondering why I have been asked to officiate.

The honest answer is as a friend. My job means that I have faith that good will triumph in the end, but I have to admit that even I had begun to doubt I would live long enough to see this day. I have needed one or other of their surgical skills on more than one occasion and whilst lying in my hospital bed on AAU, I watched them work together. I knew, possibly before they did, that they had a very special connection, but I was never completely sure that they saw it as clearly. So today this is simply a celebration of two people who have finally found where they need to be….at each other’s side. There will be an exchanging of rings as a promise to support each other throughout the rest of their lives. Something they have been doing consciously or unconsciously ever since they first met at Holby City Hospital.”

There were a few smiles and laughs at that, and then Lexy continued, cataloguing some of the ways that they had always looked out for each other, in good times and in bad. Before long she asked Alex and Jason to hand the rings to Serena and Bernie so that they could place them on each other’s fingers as they said a few words. Bernie had asked Serena if she could go first, as she thought she might get too nervous listening to Serena’s speech and be unable to say anything at all. She glanced briefly around the room and then clearing her throat she tried to focus only on the woman in front of her.

“Serena…I’m still not entirely sure what I’ve done in my life that has earned me your love. You know I’m not perfect and I certainly know _you’re_ not.”

She smiled and ducked her head as Serena’s eyes widened in mock outrage and a few chuckles of agreement were heard, Fletch’s voice easily picked out above the rest.

“But I do know that when we’re together I am a much better person than I’ve ever managed to be on my own. I’ve messed up so many times in my life because I wasn’t brave enough to face the truth, but with you…you always seem to see the true me, whatever I say or do. I used to try and hide away from the world and myself, but I can never, ever hide from you. You let me run when I needed to, but you also let me know you were still there when I was ready to return. I love you Serena Wendy Campbell, with your big generous heart that would invite the world to your home on Christmas Day if it could. And I thank my lucky stars everyday that you still found a place in that heart for me.”

With that Bernie reached for Serena’s hand and slid the ring onto it. There were a few claps and whoops as Serena tried to compose herself enough to speak to Bernie.

“I can see why you wanted to go first now.”

Serena’s voice sounded shaky and low, for Bernie’s ears only. She took a deep breath to steady herself and like Bernie did her best to block out the rest of the room.

“ I too thought this day would never happen. You invaded my life and my heart before I was even aware of it and when I finally realised that, I thought the best I could hope for was having you as a friend..a _best_ friend. And then you kissed me after a very emotional day when we’d operated together on Nurse Fletcher. You shook my world then, and you shook it for a second time when you arrived on my doorstep less than a year ago, announcing you were back for good. Back for _me,_ if I’d have you. As if…as if I would ever…could ever say no..to you.”

Serena took shuddering breath and looked directly Bernie as she placed a steadying hand on Serena's arm.

“You have seen me at my absolute, awful worst, when I thought the world might as well have ended and every day I felt as if I was sinking further and further down. But you stood steady throughout all the darkness, a rock for me to cling to as I waited for the ground to firm beneath my feet. It’s a debt that I know I can never repay other than by telling you I love you Berenice Griselda Wolfe. You don’t just have a place in my heart, you have all of it, forever.”

Tears began to fall down both of their cheeks as Serena slipped her ring onto Bernie’s finger, and the room rang to the clapping and shouts of everyone there. They each tried to wipe away the wetness from each other's faces without smudging make-up as the room grew quiet again, both of them now smiling broadly.

Lexy cleared her throat to gain everyone’s attention.

“Well, there seems to be very little to add. I think you both have perfectly proved that ‘ _amor vincit omnia’_ or ‘love conquers all’. And although I know we’re agreed this isn’t a wedding, only one phrase really fits here.” She smiled fondly at them both.

“You may now kiss your bride.”

Even before the words had been uttered Bernie had curved her hand around Serena’s waist and brought them flush against each other. Serena’s hand threaded through those golden locks as their lips met and the sound of the cheers echoing around, faded into the background. It wasn’t a lust filled kiss, yet neither was it chaste, and as their bodies melded into one another, Serena felt as if the world was spinning around. Gradually things slowed and needing air into their lungs they reluctantly broke apart, which seemed to be the signal for their families and friends to surround them, smiling and laughing and patting them on the back with words of joy and congratulations. They got swept along with the crowd and without really knowing how they got there they found themselves in the room next door where drinks were on hand and a buffet had been laid out. It seemed as if hours had gone by before Bernie could gravitate back to Serena’s side.

“Happy?” she murmured as they linked hands and cast their eyes over the room that was filled with people that they loved and cared deeply about.

“I am,” said Serena, sounding surprised. “I mean, I was happy anyway, but I’m astonished at how special this has felt, how good it is to have everyone here with us. I wasn’t looking for their approval of our relationship, but it does add another level of contentment to know that they are genuinely pleased for us.”

Bernie nuzzled her nose into the side of Serena’s neck.

“I don’t feel as well versed as you in the protocol of such occasions, but do you have any idea how long it’s likely to be before we can slip away without appearing rude?”

Serena gave a deep throated chuckle.

“Anyone would think that you’re desperate to get me into bed Ms Wolfe.”

Bernie huffed and Serena took pity on her turning her head so she could softly kiss her.

“It won’t be too long I promise. They’re clearing the food away as we speak and once the music starts and we’ve had our little twirl around the room we can make our farewells.”

Bernie groaned and dropped her head onto Serena’s shoulder.

“Do we really have to dance? I think I’m dreading this more than the ceremony.”

She looked up and seeing the raised eyebrows, she shrugged.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry, stupid question.” She lowered her voice even further. “You had better make it worth my while later though.”

And then before Serena could respond she was striding away across the room to where Charlotte was standing with her partner.

Serena watched her go, her eyes fixed firmly on that very perky backside that no woman (in her opinion) over the age of thirty should have. And the way she was swinging her hips, made her convinced she was exaggerating it just for her.

“Oh I will, Major..I definitely will.”

It was another two hours before they finally stood side by side watching the room again. Their first dance had not been so bad as Bernie had feared. As the strains of Marvin Gaye singing ‘How Sweet it is to be loved by You’ echoed around the room, Serena reached out for Bernie’s hand and they gravitated towards each other, arms wrapped around waists swaying slowly, hips firmly pressed together. Having eyes only for one another Bernie was once again able to forget that the room full of people existed and she started to softly sing along with the words.

‘ _I needed the shelter of someone’s arms, and there you were_

_I needed someone to understand my ups and downs, and there you were’_

Serena joined in as well, and Bernie relaxed even more as the tempo of the song got under her skin. She changed her hold on Serena to a more formal one, her one hand resting flat against her exposed spine and the other grasping Serena’s hand firmly to press it to her chest. And then to Serena’s astonishment she felt herself being spun expertly around the dance floor, clinging breathlessly to Bernie, making her laugh as a sense of joy expanded to fill every fibre of her being.

When the last notes faded away they came to a standstill and stood forehead to forehead, as hoots of approval filled the room. They still didn’t move, not until the next song started to play and they both felt taps on their shoulders. Slowly turning away from each other they saw Cameron and Jason asking if they could have the next dance. With no small degree of loss they both nodded and then one dance became two and three and more as it seemed everyone wanted their chance to take a turn around the floor with one or other of them.

Bernie had just declined a second requester from Fletch so she could take a much needed drink, and eyes scouring the room they came to rest on Serena dancing with Ric. He was saying something close to her ear, was holding her even closer, and whatever he had said made Serena throw her head back and laugh with abandonment. Bernie inhaled sharply and closed her eyes briefly, she was so overcome by her beauty. And then another feeling came out of nowhere and she was swamped by a surge of jealousy so strong she actually considered striding across to them to pull Serena out of his arms, before flooring him with a right hook. Her eyes narrowed and she was so overwhelmed that she almost jumped ten feet into the air when a hand landed on her shoulder and she turned to see Alex standing next to her a big grin on her face.

“Don’t you think it’s about time you tore your eyes away from her and danced with me?”

Bernie nodded dumbly as strong arms encircled her waist and she began to move slowly around the room, trying to bring her focus back to the woman in front of her.

“I think this is only fair don’t you?” Alex was smiling at her indulgently. “If Serena can dance with an old flame to make you jealous then I’m happy to return the favour.”

Bernie looked at Alex and blinked, then shook her head emphatically.

“No, no, you’ve got it wrong…she and Ric…they’ve never been an item. They’re just really old, good friends, told me that ages ago, said she knew it could never work between them.”

Alex was looking at her curiously.

“So what brought the green-eyed monster out of the box? Unless you doubt her word on the subject.”

Bernie sighed and shrugged her shoulders.

“No, if she says nothing ever happened between them, of course I believe her. It’s just that…she looked so relaxed and happy and good in his arms that I couldn’t help wondering if life would have been easier for her if..”

Alex stopped suddenly and navigated them to the side of the room.

“If what Bern? Of course she’s happy because to all intents and purposes you two have just got married. She’s happy because she can be, knowing that she has everything she wants in you. For christ’s sake stop trying to convince yourself you’re not worthy of her. _She’s_ the one who should be jealous, not you.”

Bernie blushed with embarrassment as she realised how ridiculous she had sounded.

“Sorry. I sometimes can’t help thinking that things would have been so much simpler for her if she’d fallen for a man. We both know that there are still people who think we’re some sort of abomination and I don’t want her to be hurt.”

Alex grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her quite firmly.

“You have always been such an idiot in the affairs of the heart haven’t you? If the only way to survive is by choosing the easy way out you’d still be with Marcus! Look at her Bernie, I don’t think she’s a woman who settles for second best, and out of everyone she’s ever met, she ..chose..you!”

Bernie’s head snapped up at those words and a warmth suffused her body as she remembered Serena saying much the same thing to her at a very difficult time in their relationship. She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Alex’s cheek.

“Thank you,” she said quietly. “For _everything_.”

She looked back at the dance floor and saw Serena was now standing alone, staring a little anxiously in _her_ direction, and she smiled at her in what she hoped was a reassuring way. Turning back to Alex she put a hand on her arm.

“Forgive me, I hope you and Katie have a wonderful holiday, and I promise I’ll be in touch before you leave, but I need to be somewhere else.”

If Serena was surprised at how swiftly Bernie was by her side asking her to do one final sweep of the room to say her goodbyes, she hid it well. It was only thirty minutes later that they were climbing into a taxi, relaxing against each other, their hands intertwined.

“Well, I think that went rather well, don’t you?” Serena asked shyly, looking (in Bernie’s opinion) absolutely adorable.

“The best day of my life,” she whispered back. “So far.” Which earned her a swift dig to the ribs and a throaty chuckle

The rest of the journey back to the hotel was silent, except for the sound of lips being pressed against one another and small sighs of contentment. They managed to prise themselves apart for as long as it took to get through the hotel lobby and up to their room, but once the door was closed behind them the kissing resumed, and Serena found herself pressed up against the wall as Bernie continued the assault on her mouth. Summoning up more willpower than she thought possible, Serena extricated herself from Bernie’s close embrace and moved a little shakily further into the room. She had spent far too long planning this evening, to not follow through with the idea she had in mind. She walked over towards the bed, picking up a chair from the side of the room as she did, placing it just in front of it. She turned and beckoned to Bernie who was watching her, still standing by the door. When she didn’t immediately move Serena went back to her and taking her hand she led her to the chair. Bernie’s heart was racing as Serena pressed her lips to where she could see the carotid artery visibly pulsing.

“Steady tiger,” she said softly, “you need to calm down a little or you might not last the night.”

Bernie didn’t quite trust herself to speak, so she merely nodded as Serena slid her jacket off her shoulders and down her arms. She paused to lay it on the bed before she very deliberately started to undo the buttons on her waistcoat.

“Nice touch,” she said, her voice quiet and low. “The waistcoat. I very much appreciated it.” She placed it on top of the jacket and Bernie understood that this seduction was not going to be a swift one. She gave a small sigh as Serena stroked the back of one finger down Bernie’s face, her neck, only stopping when it rested against the first button on her shirt.

“I hope that sigh didn’t mean that you’re bored, or too tired to continue?” Serena’s eyes glinted in the soft light from two small wall lights, and Bernie shook her head vehemently.

“God no,” she blurted out. “I’m…just..finding normal breathing a bit difficult right now.”

Serena smiled and raised an eyebrow in that maddeningly sexy way that Bernie adored.

“Maybe I should have brought along an oxygen cylinder then,” she observed. “Because I’ve barely started. Think of it as a test of your stamina.”

Bernie’s eyes widened for a moment and then taking a deep breath she answered with a lot more assurance than she was feeling.

“Bring it on,” she said huskily. “I’m all yours.”

Serena had already pulled Bernie’s shirt free of her trousers, and she slowly worked downwards unbuttoning as she went, stopping only to rub her nose into the small valley between Bernie’s breasts muttering almost to herself, ‘ _indeed you are.’_

When she undid the last button Serena pushed her hands underneath the shirt to rest gently on Bernie’s waist for a brief moment before they moved to undo the clasp on her trousers. Taking a small step backwards she slowly pulled them down, over her hips, taking great care not to remove her knickers at the same time. As they pooled around Bernie’s ankles, Serena moved her hands back up to the shirt and pushed it off her shoulders, effectively pinning her arms by her sides. Now it was Serena who was struggling to breathe as she took in the sight in front of her. Bernie was wearing a strapless translucent white bra which had a small lacy edging across the cups that held her delectable breasts, and when she looked lower she could see that her knickers were a perfect match. They too were semi transparent, showing trimmed dark curls at the apex of her thighs and as her eyes wandered back up she saw Bernie’s nipples already hardening under her lustful gaze.

“Someone has been doing some rather special shopping,” she said breathlessly. “Oh my darling, just for me?”

Bernie’s chest rose and fell rapidly with her shallow breathing. “Always for you,” she said hoarsely.

Serena removed Bernie’s shirt and ordered her to step out of the trousers, then bent down to pick them up breathing deeply through her nose, already able to smell Bernie’s arousal.

“You really are the most stunning woman, you know,” murmured Serena, when she straightened up their faces nearly cheek to cheek. “I see men _and_ women looking at me with envy in their eyes when they realise that I’m your partner, your lover.”

She nibbled at the skin just below her ear and Bernie had to place a hand on Serena’s shoulder to maintain her balance as she arched her neck. Serena smiled knowingly and she finally pushed her down onto the waiting chair, making Bernie exhale slowly with relief. Gathering up the rest of the clothes from the bed Serena hung them up, then returned to stand in front of Bernie, this time with her back towards her. She quietly asked Bernie to undo the zip on her dress, and with hands that were shaking a lot more than any surgeons hands had a right to, Bernie complied. Holding the dress over her chest Serena eased her arms out of it then turned back to face her. Watching Bernie’s face closely she allowed the dress to slide down her body to the floor and when Bernie saw the sexy lingerie that Serena had on, she felt as though the air in the room had thickened and her mouth dropped open trying to suck in every last vestige of oxygen she could find. It was a black lace set the sort that Serena particularly favoured, but the bra was barely containing her generous breasts. Indeed when she bent over to pick up her dress there was a very real hope in Bernie’s mind that at least one of them would spill out. And the knickers..oh the knickers looked like black silk cami-knickers edged with lace. And if she thought nothing could improve on that sight, there was also a pair of dark hold up stockings and one narrow blue garter. Serena was fighting the urge not to smirk when she saw Bernie’s eyes darken, and a thrill ran through her. She forced herself to remain calm and in control.

“I was thinking that before things get started you might like to use the en-suite now? So that nothing can interrupt us later.”

Bernie nearly choked,

“Started? You mean..this…you haven’t…there’s more?” Bernie’s mouth dried up and after a couple of seconds she simply nodded her understanding.

“Go on then, I’ll just get one or two things ready while you’re in there.”

Bernie stood up and walked on fairly unsteady legs towards the bathroom, hoping her army stamina training hadn’t been entirely forgotten. As the door closed behind her Serena moved swiftly to retrieve a small bag from her suitcase her heart thumping so hard she was surprised Bernie couldn’t hear it. In spite of all her plans to show Bernie how much she loved and desired her, she was still worried that she would look ridiculous. She set her iPad up on the side table with a playlist ready and taking one last glance around the room she walked over and rapped on the door to the en-suite.

“I do hope you’re not taking matters into your own hands in there, I’ll be coming in to check if you’re much longer.”

After a few moments the door opened and Bernie was standing there, her cheeks tinged with pink and biting her lower lip.

“Now why on earth would I do that, when you’re here,” she said in a low voice. And then her conviction seemed to falter. “Do you…should I sit back on..?” her voice wavered and she flapped her hand in the general direction of the chair. Serena nodded and led her over, but paused before pushing her back onto the seat.

“Of course I want to carry on, but only if you’re completely okay with it?” She gave an awkward smile. “I’m not talking about bondage, but I feel I need to take control and..tease you a little bit I suppose.”

Serena looked uncertain and Bernie reached out to cup Serena’s face with her hands.

“I’m feeling horny as hell thanks to your strict rules this last week, and this is our wedding night and I can’t wait to ravish you. But I’m more than willing to wait my turn. If what I’ve seen so far is anything to go by, it’ll be worth it.”

Serena felt some of the tension leave her and ghosting her lips across Bernie’s she pushed her down on the chair again. Crossing over to the iPad she pressed play, and then picked up the only other chair in the room and placed it facing Bernie.

“It’s my turn to disappear for a moment,” she said, her mouth very close to Bernie’s ear, “so try to just listen to the music and rest easy soldier.”

She trailed a finger along Bernie’s collarbone and then over the swell of her breasts before turning to pick up the bag she needed. With hips gently swaying in time to the music she walked to the bathroom and closed the door behind her.

Bernie started to take some deep breaths in an attempt to slow her heart rate. She knew that Serena was going to test her to the utmost and her mind was racing with thoughts of what was to come. She clamped her thighs together in an attempt to reduce the sensations that were coursing through her but to no avail. She tensed even further when she saw the door open again, and for the second time that evening her eyes widened as a now clothed (albeit scantily) Serena Campbell re-entered the room. She had on a white fitted shirt held together with only 3 buttons, the black bra straining against them, and on top of that was a black jacket (unbuttoned) with the collar turned up. On the bottom half she was wearing a soft full skirt that flared over her full hips and barely reached the tops of her stockings, the blue garter still in place much to Bernie’s delight. Her eyes travelled hungrily down her legs to see a very sexy pair of high heeled black patent shoes, that made her stomach flip. Serena stood for a moment and then sauntered across the floor to sit on the other chair, her legs spread wide. She looked Bernie in the eye and issued her orders.

“Right major, just two things to do. Firstly I want you to put your hands behind your back and keep them there until I say.”

Bernie swallowed and did as she was asked, her eyes growing even darker than before.

“Now you need to come a little closer to the edge of your chair and spread your legs as wide as you can. Like mine..”

Serena watched carefully as she obeyed her instructions but decided they weren’t wide enough. She crossed the short distance between them and pushed Bernie’s legs even wider and then stroked her way from her knees to the top of her thighs crouching in front of her. Bernie blushed slightly as she knew it must be very evident to Serena just how excited she was, and Serena raised an eyebrow at the dark patch that was now exposed.

“My my, are things getting a little damp down there already?”

Bernie gasped as Serena dragged a finger along the length of material in front of her eyes, pushing firmly against her sex. Smiling she walked over to the iPad and soon the strains of Nina Simone singing ‘Let’s Get it On’ filled the room and she turned to Bernie with a wicked grin.

“Time to entertain you.”

Her hips swinging in time to the music, she turned her back to Bernie and bending over she dragged her hands up her thighs gathering the skirt as she did, her fingers stroking those sexy knickers. She paused for a moment locking her hips from one side to the other, then straightened up letting the skirt fall back down to cover everything. As she turned around to face her Bernie saw the glint in her eye and her teasing smile seemed even wider. Feeling the rhythm Serena swayed as she shrugged the jacket off one shoulder and then the other, shimmying it down her arms before letting it slide onto the chair. Bernie couldn’t take her eyes off her. She’d heard the rumours quite of Serena’s purported prowess in pole dancing, but getting her own personal striptease was not something she had considered for this evening. A tremor of anticipation ran down her spine.

Serena sat down and sliding her hands up to her waist she hooked her thumbs into the waistband of her panties, her legs spread as wide as before. Then she pulled the silky garment down and off in one fluid movement closing her legs as she did and Bernie’s breathing hitched as she got the briefest glimpse of brown curls before the skirt fell back down, hiding everything.

Twirling the knickers in her fingers Serena stood again and moved so she was standing right between Bernie’s legs as she dropped them to the floor. She leant forward so that her chest was level with Bernie’s face, the shirt pulling tightly across her breasts. She took her right index finger and stroked from her lips all the way down her body until it disappeared from sight under the skirt. The expression on her face and the deep breath she took while her hand was hidden gave Bernie a very clear idea of what that finger was doing. After a few seconds it reappeared and Serena brought it to rest against Bernie’s lips pulling her mouth open allowing a split second for Bernie to lick it, tasting her, and then it was swiftly removed.

“Perhaps you’d like to help me undo these buttons?” Serena placed her hands on Bernie’s thighs and swayed forwards a couple of times as Bernie struggled to control her eager fingers as they popped open the first button. A few seconds later all three were undone and Serena straightened up, sliding the shirt down her arms as she had done with the jacket. When it landed on the floor she kicked it behind her and Bernie was treated to a close up view of breasts that were straining for release.

“Hands behind your back again please,” Serena said, her voice sounding like honey and Bernie groaned in frustration as she did as she was asked. She watched spellbound as Serena ran the middle finger of each hand slowly along the top of her bra and then down the side, stilling for a moment before stroking across to meet again in the middle, hissing as they caught the tips of her nipples. Bernie’s groan was louder this time and she rocked her hips slightly until Serena stopped her.

“Naughty,” she admonished. “That is my job tonight.”

She repeated the same pattern on Bernie, but spent longer stroking across her now very prominent nipples, making her arch forwards to maintain contact her eyes screwed tightly closed.

Serena gave a low chuckle and then placed her hands on her own waist and waited for Bernie to look at her again. The song that Serena had chosen had finished over two minutes ago and the lack of musical accompaniment didn’t concern either of them. When she was sure she had Bernie’s full attention again Serena went back to her chair and looking sideways at Bernie she put a foot onto the chair and leaned forward to remove her shoe, repeating the move with her other foot. Bernie had strained to try and catch a glimpse of anything beneath the skirt but without success, but when Serena had placed her hands to roll down her stockings, Bernie suddenly found her voice.

“No..please, leave them,’ she said huskily and Serena paused before lowering her leg, giving a small nod of acquiescence, her eyes flickering over Bernie’s body she stopped when they settled on the exposed fabric between her thighs. She quickly closed the gap between them and dropped to her knees until Bernie could feel the heat of her breath only millimetres away from her centre

“Definitely damper than before,” Serena said silkily, and watched with delight as she saw Bernie’s thighs clench and a rosy hue spread to cover Bernie’s face and chest.

“Perhaps your body needs a little more air, eh?”

Bernie nodded eagerly so Serena stood reaching behind her to undo her bra, moving slowly so that Bernie’s face was pressed deep into her own cleavage. She gently tugged the bra away and smiled broadly as the rose coloured nipples sprang free.

“Legs together now,” she murmured, and Bernie whimpered as moving them made her clit throb with the pressure. Serena leant down to kiss her lovingly as her hands fondled her breasts, squirming with delight as Bernie gasped into her mouth.

“Time for you to help _me,”_ she murmured. “Put those hands to good use and relieve me of mine.” Bernie was quick to respond as Serena peppered her face with butterfly kisses, her arms sliding around Serena’s back, her hands fumbling with the fastening.

“Not quite as smooth as usual,” Serena teased as she felt it release and brought her own hands up to hold the cups temporarily in place.

“What do you bloody expect?” grumbled Bernie, a small pout on her face. “I’m desperate to touch you.”

Serena simply smiled as she stood and let the bra fall away. Bernie groaned softly at the sight, but as she reached up Serena took a small step backwards.

“Not allowed _just_ yet.”

Serena spread her legs so that she was straddling Bernie’s lap and at that point Serena realised just how turned on she was. She had been focusing so much on Bernie’s pleasure she had managed to ignore her own, and as she started to undulate her body so that their breasts met and dragged against each other, she found herself moaning as loudly as Bernie. Her legs started to tremble with the effort of hovering just above Bernie’s thighs and she could feel her self control slipping away. The last ounce of her strength dissipated and she lowered herself down, Bernie instinctively grasping her waist to steady her. When Serena’s sex came into contact with her thigh a smirk spread over Bernie’s face as she felt just how wet she was. Unexpectedly Bernie now had the upper hand, and Serena started to move slowly to and fro, gazing straight into Bernie’s eyes, her pleasure mounting with every thrust of her hips. As she rocked against her, Bernie bent her head to catch one of Serena’s nipples in her mouth and she squealed, her hands moving past Bernie’s head to grab the back of the chair. Her orgasm was building more rapidly than she had anticipated and she dropped her head onto Bernie’s shoulder.

“Fingers… please,” she pleaded and Bernie took one hand from her waist and brought it between Serena’s legs.

“Lift,” she said firmly and Serena felt first two, then three fingers slide straight inside her, and she squealed again as rode them, her clit pushing against the heel of Bernie’s hand with every thrust.

“Ohhh….oh yes, yes,” Serena voice became breathless as she felt Bernie curl her fingers inside her, feeling dizzy with the sensations that were flooding the pleasure centre of her brain. Her back arched as her climax hit and Bernie watched her come, her love for this woman reaching new heights. She waited patiently for the internal tremors around her fingers to fade and then parted her own legs slightly to allow her to carefully remove them, wrapping both arms tightly around Serena, holding her safely until she recovered enough to raise her head.

“That wasn’t supposed to happen,” she mumbled gruffly against Bernie’s neck, and Bernie couldn’t stop a small snort of laughter escaping. She kissed the crown of her head and stroked her hand down Serena’s back, making her shiver.

“Really? So what did you think was going to happen then?”

Placing a couple of fingers underneath Serena’s chin Bernie tipped it up so that she could kiss her lips, her tongue teasing across them before she pulled away. She raised her eyebrows expectantly as she waited for her answer. Sighing deeply Serena gave a small shrug.

“I wanted you to come first,” she said rather plaintively. “I wanted to get you to such a peak of sexual frustration that you’d scream when I finally touched you….I simply hadn’t taken into account just how much it would affect me too, but I still thought I could control it… until our breasts touched and and…and then it all fell apart.” She blushed. “Or rather _I_ fell apart.”

Bernie kissed her again, but this time there was far more passion behind it and Serena’s lips were throbbing by the time they broke apart.

“I hope it’s not too late to tell you that you definitely achieved your aim?” Bernie was breathing heavily, and not just from the kiss. She bit her lip looking vaguely coy as she cocked her head to one side.

“Right now I’m really worried about the state of this chair I’m sitting on…so I’m very keen for you to continue, if you’re up to it?”

Not for the first time that evening a wicked grin spread over Serena’s face as she undid the fastening on her skirt, then stood so it fell to the floor leaving her finally naked, apart from the stockings and garter. Pressing her finger against Bernie’s lips and mouthing ‘just a second’ she disappeared into the en-suite, returning a few moments later with a towel.

“This may be a bit like shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted, but at least you won’t have to worry after I’ve removed your pants.”

“Up please,” she ordered.

Bernie put her hands on Serena’s shoulders and raised herself high enough for her to slide the towel underneath her, and then whimpered as Serena began to fondle both breasts, rolling both nipples between her fingers and thumbs. Then kneeling down Serena took hold of Bernie’s knickers slowly peeling them off, noting with satisfaction how much wider the damp patch was now. She looked and Bernie and raised an eyebrow.

“You weren’t exaggerating were you?”

Adding them to the pile of clothing on the floor, Serena once again pushed her knees apart, and Bernie felt her breathing stutter at the prospect of what was to come. Serena raked her eyes slowly down over her body, stopping when Bernie’s exposed sex came into view, positively drooling over the pink puffy lips in front of her.

She leaned in to press a gentle kiss against them, but the effect on Bernie made her rise up, hungrily pushing herself towards Serena’s mouth. Teasingly Serena drew back, but couldn’t tear her eyes away, and when she spoke her voice was thick with emotion

“My god Bernie, are you sure you haven’t already come? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you as wet as this.”

As if to prove a point she lightly ran her forefinger the length of her slit and when she brought it away it was already glistening as much as if she had pushed it through her folds. Bernie had yelped at her touch and Serena held the finger in front of her face urging her to look.

“For pity’s sake, do you think I haven't felt that?” moaned Bernie. “Please, my love, I’m begging you to hurry.”

Her eyes fluttered open for a moment, in time to see Serena put her finger to her mouth her tongue licking it thoroughly and Bernie’s moans grew louder.

Taking pity on her Serena returned to the task in hand, but this time she used her tongue to push past her labia, licking and stroking firmly upwards to connect with her clit and Bernie groaned and bucked, her knuckles turning white at the effort of holding onto the edge of her chair.

“I don’t think I can keep my balance for much longer Serena,” she hissed through clenched teeth. Serena’s murmured ‘ _I know’_ sent delicious reverberations through her, and when Bernie felt fingers enter, filling her, as Serena’s tongue still vigorously worked over and around her clit she heard herself groan, the sound getting higher and surprisingly loud as she reached her peak. All the muscles in her body seemed to tense at once and she was pretty sure she stopped breathing as she climaxed, not once, but twice in quick succession. Her arms lost their strength and she would have slid to the floor if Serena hadn’t wrapped her own strong arm around her waist allowing her to slump against her like a rag doll, as aftershocks swept over her. After what felt like minutes, but was probably less than thirty seconds, Bernie felt Serena pushing herself off her knees and she too made a valiant attempt to stand, still leaning heavily on her. With a few groans and some deft movements, Serena managed to move the chair out of the way and manoeuvred them both to the bed where they collapsed in a heap. They lay there for a few minutes with their heads resting against each other regaining their sense of balance, and not unexpectedly it was Serena who managed to prop herself up onto one elbow first, so that she could lean over and gently kiss Bernie, smiling as she did. The taste of herself on Serena’s lips stirred Bernie into responding with more vigour than she thought she had left in her, and Serena was startled to find herself suddenly on _her_ back with Bernie hovering above _._

The smile on Serena’s face grew wider and turned into a small chuckle, making Bernie frown.

“There’s lots of ways to describe what we just shared, but funny isn’t one of them. Why are you laughing?”

Bernie sounded and looked a little like a puppy who’d been banished into the garden and was now staring sadly through the patio window. Serena composed her features and tried to explain.

“No, my darling, I wasn’t laughing about that, not exactly. It just struck me that I’m very glad that I chose this hotel. I’m pretty certain that no one we know is staying here.”

Bernie still looked puzzled, and Serena put her hand up to her face.

“That was the most noise I’d ever heard from you. Often you just give a small sigh.” Serena raised her head to snatch another kiss. “I was just imagining coming face to face with someone we knew like Evie Fletcher, in the dining room, over breakfast.”

Bernie flushed bright pink and pushed herself upright against the headboard, giving a small bark of laughter as she did. She waggled a finger at Serena.

“Well, it’s all your fault really.”

Another thought crossed her mind and she buried her face in her hands.

“Oh god, what if someone did hear though? I won’t be able to look anyone in the eye.”

Serena eased herself up the bed to sit next to Bernie, leaning against the pillows.

“Don’t be daft. No one here knows that this is our wedding night. And I doubt that anyone who may have been awake, would imagine two respectable middle-aged women could be responsible for the wailing and squealing that was going on. Probably put it down to foxes.”

Bernie started to laugh loudly at that, and Serena nudged her before succumbing to laughter herself. They cuddled and kissed for a bit after that, until Bernie mentioned she thought she ought to go to the bathroom. Serena offered to accompany her, but Bernie gave her a hard stare which set her off giggling again, so they took it in turns. When they were back in bed (Serena now minus the stockings and garter belt much to Bernie’s regret) hands started to wander and before long they both could feel tendrils of desire beginning to stir. It was Serena who finally called a halt to things, after a particularly long and fervent kiss.

“Much as I would like this to continue,” she murmured as Bernie’s hand grazed up and down her arm. “I think I’d enjoy it even more in the morning, after a few hours rest.” And as if to make a point she tried unsuccessfully to smother a yawn. Bernie kissed her again, more softly this time.

“You’re right of course. It’s been a long day..and night. Maybe we could even ask about breakfast in bed? Simply to avoid any possible embarrassment you understand.”

She curled her body around Serena, placing soft kisses at the nape of her neck, wondering if she had ever felt this happy before in her life. But as Serena pushed back against her with words of love spilling from her lips, she realised it didn’t matter. Finding the love of your life doesn’t mean it will always be hearts and flowers, god knows they were both far too old and world weary to expect that.

No, she thought happily, it’s finding a way to heal when things go wrong, and knowing that however long the road ahead is, you’ll walk it together. Sometimes hand in hand and sometimes apart, but never out of sight.


End file.
